


Never Leave You Behind

by hedgehoggery



Series: ANBU Drabbles [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, Awkward Crush, Dream Sex, Friends to Lovers, Late Teens/Early Twenties, M/M, Secret Crush, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-11 23:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15326517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgehoggery/pseuds/hedgehoggery
Summary: In ANBU, everyone has to look out for themselves in order to stay alive. Completing your missions is the ultimate goal - at any cost. But for Tenzo there's a higher goal - keeping his senpai Kakashi safe from harm. And maybe, just maybe, Kakashi wants to keep him safe too.This multi-chapter story follows Tenzo and Kakashi during their time in ANBU, starting during the last year or so Kakashi is in ANBU when he's in his early twenties and Tenzo is in his very late teens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story is darker than the stuff I normally write. It's an ANBU fic so there is death and violence against adults and children alike, seeing as how there are child soldiers in the ninja world. Just a fair warning.

The night insects were beginning their song when Tenzo and Kakashi finally arrived at their destination - a small farming community on the southern edge of The Land of Rivers, not far from the Land of Fire border. It was too small to even warrant naming as a town or village and had slipped through the grasp of time, or so it seemed to Tenzo. It looked quite peaceful, actually, and Tenzo briefly regretted the actions he knew he and Kakashi were about to take.

Before he could dwell on that train of thought too long, Kakashi motioned for him to stop running. Hidden by the treeline, he huddled up next to his senpai to await further instruction.

Tenzo and Kakashi had worked together on the same ANBU team for several years now and they barely needed to speak to understand each other. It was for that reason that Tenzo always ended up on these missions with Kakashi when the whole team wasn’t required and it was just the two of them, far away from home, fighting to keep each other alive. 

“The intel places the target in the yellow house,” Kakashi whispered from behind his hound ANBU mask. Tenzo looked over at the small grouping of houses. It was almost too dark to discern color, but he felt confident the second house on the left was the most yellow of the bunch.

“Second on the left,” he whispered. Kakashi nodded. 

“Agreed,” he said. “Remember the plan - we need to keep this as quiet as possible. I’d rather not slaughter this entire community tonight.” Tenzo nodded. 

The plan was etched in Tenzo’s brain - he’d wait on the roof of the target house while Kakashi canvassed the perimeter. If Kakashi was able to get eyes on the target within the house, he would strike solo. Otherwise, he and Tenzo would infiltrate the house simultaneously - Kakashi from the east side and Tenzo the west - to locate and eliminate the target as quickly and silently as possible. That was the main goal - silence. If anyone else heard a commotion, they’d have to be eliminated as well.

“Alright, ready?” Kakashi said, staring at his watch. 

Tenzo could almost hear the seconds ticking by on Kakashi’s watch. They seemed to get louder and louder with each passing moment -  _ tick, tick, tick. _ The sound reverberated in Tenzo’s ears... or was that his own heartbeat?  _ Tick, tick, tick. _ The familiar burn of adrenaline took over his chest as he waited -  _ tick, tick, tick  _ \- his arms and legs suddenly felt heavy, his breath short, his lungs burning for the air that seemed to have dissipated from around him.  _ Tick, tick, tick... _

“Go,” Kakashi said. Like a switch, Tenzo flipped back into ANBU mode. His heart returned to normal, the adrenaline evaporated from his chest, his arms and legs once again moved as instructed, his lungs filled with the air that came rushing back as soon as Kakashi gave the word.

Tenzo ran silently through the field of tall grass between their hiding spot and the target location, sensing Kakashi veer left and take another route to the same destination. He approached the house and jumped up to the roof, noticing the faint flicker of dying candlelight in the window as he went by, and landed without a sound.

Once he’d confirmed that he was indeed alone and safe on the roof, he closed his eyes and focused intently on the familiar chakra signature below him as it slowly made its way around the outside of the house. After one full lap around the house it stopped on the east wall - Kakashi hadn’t identified the target location. Tenzo jumped to the ground on the west wall in front of a window. After counting to five he forced the window open and jumped silently into the house. 

He found himself in a vacant sitting room. He slid through the doorway to the kitchen, where the faint smell of cooked fish lingered in the air. Glancing around the room for any signs of life, his eyes rested on an object sitting on the counter - a baby bottle. He allowed himself only one second of regret before pushing the thought from his mind and continuing his search of the house.

A quick scan of the dining room and foyer led him back into the sitting room. He made his way through the hall on the other side of the room and felt the familiar comforting chakra signature getting closer and closer, until finally he was standing face to face with Kakashi. 

Kakashi shook his head, indicating he hadn’t found the target. Tenzo mirrored the action. Kakashi cocked his head toward the final doorway that neither of them had entered. Tenzo nodded.

Silently, Kakashi reached out and slid the door open. Through the darkness, Tenzo could just make out two figures lying in a bed, asleep. He suppressed a sigh - the darkness would make it difficult to determine which of the two occupants was the target from a distance, so they’d have to get up close. He walked to one side of the bed and Kakashi to the other. Tenzo glanced down to see a young brunette woman sleeping below him. She looked so calm - a faint smile dusted her otherwise expressionless face, her breath steady as she slept. 

Tenzo glanced up at Kakashi. He was holding a kunai. Tenzo nodded. Briefly, he thought how unfortunate it would be for this peaceful woman to wake up next to her husband’s mutilated corpse, but he didn’t dwell on it. Kakashi’s knife sliced across the man’s throat before he could make a single sound. His eyes shot open in wide terror but it was too late for him to even think about defending himself. Tenzo felt warm drops of blood land on the exposed skin of his upper arm. The job was done.

A sudden noise behind him grabbed Tenzo’s attention and he turned to see a baby fussing in a crib - somehow he had missed it when they entered the room. Panic gripped his heart - if he and Kakashi tried to escape now, how long would they have before the baby’s mother woke up to find her husband bleeding out beside her? Would it be enough time to escape without a trace? He turned back around to Kakashi - the hound mask hid his expression, but he knew well the thoughts that would be racing through his brain. 

The choice to escape was taken from them by a terrified whimper from the woman below him. Tenzo quickly weaved a sign and sent a stake of wood through her chest before the whimper could turn into a scream. 

The baby fussed louder. Tenzo met Kakashi’s mismatched eyes behind the mask and felt the weight of their shared thought.

_ Are we really about to kill this infant? _

Tenzo’s heart pounded in his chest. He’d done terrible things during his time in ROOT and ANBU. He had more confirmed kills than he cared to think about. He’d slaughtered entire villages. He didn’t want to kill this baby. 

“There’s no indication any of the neighbors heard anything,” Kakashi whispered finally. “We’ll leave him on their doorstep.” Tenzo released the breath he’d been holding. The trained operative part of his mind was screaming that it would be reckless to take the time to bring this baby to a neighboring house and risk being spotted. But for once, he chose to silence that voice.

“Yes, senpai,” he said. Kakashi walked over and gingerly picked the crying baby out of his crib, patting him softly on the back and swaying slightly back and forth to calm him. It worked, and Tenzo was equal parts relieved and horrified when the baby rested his head on Kakashi’s blood-soaked chest. 

Tenzo quickly gathered up the blankets and a stuffed bear from the crib and followed Kakashi out of the room and through the front door of the house. After making sure it was clear, they carefully made their way to the closest neighboring house. Tenzo weaved a sign and tried to picture in his mind what a bassonnet looked like - he never really interacted with babies and he realized he had no clue, so he settled for making a small trough instead. After filling it with the blankets, Kakashi placed the sleeping baby inside. Tenzo laid the stuffed bear next to the baby before he and Kakashi leapt away, back into the trees towards Konoha. 

***

The ANBU locker room was deserted when Kakashi and Tenzo finally returned from their mission. Tenzo wasted no time at all before peeling his blood-stained uniform off and tossing it away towards the laundry chute. He briefly wished it was a laundry incinerator instead, but shook the thought away as he walked out of the locker room and into the showers. He turned the water on as hot as it would go and forced himself to stay in the spray as it scalded his skin. 

The sound of someone entering the showers caught Tenzo’s attention but he didn’t open his eyes. He knew who it was. 

“You’re going to give yourself third-degree burns, idiot,” Kakashi said, turning down the temperature on Tenzo’s shower head. Tenzo begrudgingly opened his eyes to see Kakashi turning on the water at the next shower head. Steam had already filled the small space and made Kakashi look almost ethereal as he began washing the blood out of his white hair. 

Tenzo had seen his senpai without his mask hundreds of times, after every single mission and at the bar and at either one of their apartments when they just didn’t want to be alone. But still, he found himself revelling in it each time, in the knowledge that  _ he _ was one of the trusted few that Kakashi would allow to see his near-perfect face, tainted only by the somewhat comical tan line running the length of his face just below his eyes. 

Right now that face was marked by tiny wrinkles of worry on Kakashi’s forehead and bags of exhaustion under his eyes. He looked absolutely weary, and Tenzo wondered if he too was affected more than usual by what they had almost done on this particular mission.

“You okay, Tenz?” Kakashi’s question broke Tenzo out of his thoughts. He shrugged, wondering how bad he must look for his clearly exhausted senpai to be concerned about him.

“Just tired, I guess,” he said. Kakashi eyed him suspiciously. 

“You know, there was no good option,” he said. Tenzo wasn’t sure if Kakashi was attempting to comfort him or if he was seeking comfort himself.

“I know, senpai,” he said. “But we did the best we could.” Kakashi didn’t respond; instead, he closed his eyes and let the water from the shower fall directly onto his face. 

Tenzo finished showering and stepped out of the steam-filled room, followed closely by Kakashi as they both walked back into the locker room. 

“You wanna get dinner?” Kakashi asked, pulling his pants on. Tenzo chuckled as he patted his long hair dry with a towel.

“Pretty sure it’s breakfast, now,” he said. “But sure.” Kakashi glanced at the clock on the wall.

“Oh, shit,” he said. “Is anything even open this early?” Tenzo shrugged.

“We’ll find something,” he said. The pair left the locker room and waved at the ANBU guards as they made their way out of headquarters. 

The walk back to the main part of town was quiet. The sun was just rising over the horizon and dew dampened their sandals. It was peaceful, and Tenzo found himself struggling to enjoy it as he thought of the similar peace that had been shattered back in the Land of Rivers.

“You want to just pick something up at the market and go back to my place to eat?” Kakashi asked. Tenzo could’ve kissed him.

“Yes, please,” he said with a tone of desperation. “That sounds much better than a restaurant.” Kakashi chuckled. 

“We’d probably freak the hell out of other restaurant patrons anyway,” he said. “Based on how rough you look, I can only imagine what  _ I _ look like right now.” Tenzo laughed.

“I’ve seen you look better,” Tenzo admitted. They arrived at the market and Tenzo hung behind Kakashi, letting the older man inspect and select various vegetables and herbs. Kakashi was a surprisingly good cook, and Tenzo knew better than to try to interfere. 

“I’ll do the cooking if you do the paying,” Kakashi said, dropping his bag of groceries by the register. Tenzo smacked his tongue against his teeth and rolled his eyes.

“Do I have a choice, senpai?” he said. Kakashi’s eyes crinkled in a hidden smile.

“Of course,” he said. “You can choose if you want to eat or not.” Tenzo fished the money from his pocket and handed it to the merchant, glaring at Kakashi the whole time. They left the market and walked in comfortable silence to Kakashi’s apartment. 

Just walking through the door gave Tenzo a sense of calm that he’d been missing ever since their mission. It wasn’t even his apartment but it felt so much like home and it smelled like Kakashi, which was comforting, and dogs, which was homey. 

“I hope you don’t mind I’m planning on making eggplant,” Kakashi said, dropping the groceries on the counter. “I thought it was dinnertime so I’m making dinner.” Tenzo shrugged as he collapsed onto Kakashi’s sofa.

“That’s fine,” he said. “Where’s the dogs?” Kakashi sighed and summoned the animals, who all ran excitedly over to join Tenzo on the couch.

“I swear you only hang out with me for my dogs,” Kakashi muttered. 

“Boss! Glad you’re back safely,” Pakkun said from his spot on the floor by Tenzo’s feet. Tenzo couldn’t help but let a very unmanly giggle escape as Guruko and Shiba both licked his face.

“Is he talking to you?” Kakashi said, indignant. “Pakkun, I’m boss. Not Tenzo.” 

“I was talking to you, Boss,” Pakkun said, but Tenzo swore the dog winked at him. The dogs finally settled into their positions on the floor and sofa around Tenzo as Kakashi started cooking. The smell of eggplant quickly mingled with the scent of Kakashi’s apartment, and Tenzo felt so peaceful that he was worried he’d actually fall asleep before breakfast was ready. He fought to keep his heavy eyelids open as they kept closing against his will.

“Here, eat,” Kakashi said suddenly, pulling Tenzo out of his half conscious state and thrusting a plate in his face. 

“Thanks,” Tenzo mumbled groggily. 

Kakashi shooed the dogs onto the floor and took the seat on the couch next to Tenzo. They ate in silence, save for Tenzo’s mumbled compliments about the quality of the dish, and Tenzo felt the weight of exhaustion pulling harder and harder on his eyes as he finished the meal and took their dishes to the sink. As if on cue, Kakashi let out a huge yawn and stretched up towards the ceiling. 

“Nap?” he asked, apparently too tired to form a full sentence. Tenzo hummed in agreement and laid down on the couch with Kakashi, followed shortly by the dogs jumping up to join them. With two men and seven dogs on the sofa, Tenzo absently noted how uncomfortable this should be. But it wasn’t. It was perfect.

With his head on Kakashi’s chest, Tenzo fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright, I’m not going to lie to you. This mission sounds like a giant pain in the ass.” 

Tenzo’s groan blended in seamlessly with Yugao and Ko’s - the other two members of Kakashi’s squad - at Kakashi’s description of their upcoming mission. Yugao and Kakashi had actually worked together longer than Tenzo and Kakashi, but didn’t have the same close working relationship the two men shared. Ko was the newest member of their group, having replaced Itachi after he defected. He was a medical specialist and Tenzo didn’t mind him too much, but he got the impression Kakashi wasn’t too fond of him. 

“Don’t bitch,” Kakashi said. “We’re ANBU. It’s our job.” Ko scoffed.

“You bitch more than any of us, taicho,” he said. Kakashi stared him down. 

“Just who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” he said harshly. The blood started to drain from Ko’s face. “See, here’s the thing. I’m the captain, you’re the subordinate. Don’t talk to me like that ever again.”

“Senpai, lighten up,” Tenzo said, exasperated with Kakashi and Ko’s constant bickering. “You’re literally bitching right now about Ko saying you bitch all the time.” Kakashi shot him an irritated look before letting out a sigh.

“Fine, whatever,” he said. Ko and Yugao shared a knowing look that Tenzo didn’t understand. “Anyway, the mission. We’ll be going to Yukigakure to take out some criminal mobsters.”

“Yukigakure?!” Yugao said. “That’s in the Land of Snow! It’s January, it’s going to be cold as tits!” Kakashi gestured around questioningly.

“Did I not say this was going to be a giant pain in the ass?” he said. “Alright, pack your cloaks, we leave in half an hour.” He walked out of the locker room. As soon as he was out of earshot, Yugao and Ko started chuckling to each other.

“What’s so funny?” Tenzo asked. The two glanced at each other before looking away in another fit of giggles.

“Nothing, Tenz,” Yugao said. “It’s an inside joke.” 

“Oh.” Tenzo suddenly felt very isolated and glanced at the door, wishing Kakashi would come back. His expression must have showed it, because Yugao looked at him sympathetically.

“We’re just laughing at Kakashi-buntaicho,” she said, and Tenzo’s face lit up. “Sometimes he acts like he has a stick up his ass.” Tenzo chuckled.

“He can be kind of strict, I guess,” he admitted. “But he has to be. He’s just trying to keep us all safe.” Ko huffed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe some of us more than others.” Tenzo raised one eyebrow as Yugao kicked Ko’s foot, clearly feeling that he had said too much.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tenzo asked.

“Nothing,” Yugao said. 

“Just that Kakashi-taicho might sometimes be playing favorites, that’s all,” Ko said. Tenzo felt his cheeks burn as he realized what they were laughing about. He quickly stood up.

“Don’t forget to pack your cloak,” he said, walking out of the locker room and directly into Kakashi. “Oh, senpai.”

“What’s up?” Kakashi said. “You look like you want to punch someone in the face.” Tenzo mentally cursed his overly expressive face and tried to soften it.

“No,” he said shrugging. “Just thinking about what I need to pack for our mission.” Kakashi hummed in understanding and started pulling open the door to the locker room. Tenzo bit his lower lip and thought about Ko’s accusation. “Uh, senpai?” he said. Kakashi turned back around. “Maybe you could… be nicer to Ko.” Kakashi raised his eyebrows.

“Where’s this coming from?” he asked in a tone that made Tenzo wish he could disappear. 

“Er, nowhere,” he said, shaking his head. “Just… ignore me.” Kakashi huffed, suddenly angry.

“Did they put you up to this?” he said, pointing towards the locker room. “Son of a bitch. I’ll show him just how nice I can be…” He went to pull open the door to the locker room but Tenzo reached out and put his hand over Kakashi’s to stop him.

“They didn’t,” Tenzo said quickly. “I’m just saying, he’s a member of the team and you could be nicer to him.” Kakashi exhaled sharply.

“But I don’t like him,” he said simply. Tenzo rolled his eyes.

“You don’t like anyone,” he said. Kakashi shrugged.

“I like you,” he said. Tenzo was both confused and embarrassed to feel his cheeks burning and his chest fluttering with adrenaline.

“So Ko’s noticed,” he said, refusing to make eye contact with Kakashi, and was taken aback when he chuckled in response.

“Mmm, I see,” he said, with a tone of amusement. “Well, how could I not play favorites? You’re better than them.” Tenzo was surprised to find his face could get even redder.

“Senpai, you shouldn’t talk like that,” he scolded. Kakashi chuckled and pulled open the door to the locker room.

“We’re shipping out in fifteen minutes now,” he said. “You better get packed, Tenzo.”

***

The Land of Snow was indeed cold as tits, just as Yugao had predicted. Tenzo pulled his cloak tighter around him in a futile attempt to block the harsh wind that had started blowing a few hours before, but it did nothing to ease the chill that seeped all the way to his bones. 

The team had been travelling for days in silence, talking only as needed when they stopped to rest. Tenzo was starting to regret confronting Kakashi in the hallway before the mission, as he usually was pretty good company during these long trips and therefore Tenzo could only take Kakashi’s silence now as an indication that he was upset with him. 

Luckily, they were finally approaching the target location as indicated by the intel and Tenzo felt they couldn’t get there fast enough. He needed a distraction from the nagging anxiety about Kakashi’s behavior, and killing an enemy of the Leaf was the perfect way to take his mind off of things. 

Kakashi held up his hand to stop the group from running. They huddled around him.

“Alright, we’re almost there so get ready,” Kakashi whispered. Tenzo nodded. 

They’d gone over the plan already and he was more than prepared for his duty. Once they arrived at the target’s location, Yugao would create a diversion to draw away the guards that always surrounded this particular mobster. Kakashi and Tenzo would infiltrate the building together and fight off whatever guards may remain. They’d track down the target and then eliminate him. Ko would hang back to provide assistance if needed.

“Slight change of plans,” Kakashi said. “Tenzo - you will provide backup if needed. Ko - you infiltrate the target location with me to eliminate the target.”

Tenzo felt his stomach drop. Besides the fact that this was definitive proof Kakashi was upset with him, it was also just poor planning. Ko was an excellent medical ninja, and he could hold his own in battle when the whole team got attacked. But no one would have any doubts that Tenzo was a much more formidable opponent in these types of situations. Sending Ko with the execution team was basically just asking for more strain to be put on Kakashi.

His teammates seemed to share his concerns.

“Are you sure about that, buntaicho?” Yugao asked. Kakashi’s porcelain mask hid his expression, but Tenzo was sure he had raised an eyebrow at Yugao’s challenge of authority.

“Ko, are you prepared?” Kakashi prompted, ignoring Yugao’s question. Ko nodded.

“Yes, taicho,” he said. 

“Well then, let’s go,” he said. He motioned for the team to continue pressing forward. Tenzo did as he was commanded, but with a heavy heart. While he was certainly disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to relieve his frustrations by killing a man today, he was more concerned about Kakashi’s wellbeing. A large part of what he liked about being paired with his senpai on every mission was that it gave him the ability to watch over him and keep him safe. Not that Kakashi necessarily needed Tenzo to keep him safe but still, Tenzo enjoyed at least knowing that he was alive. 

They had hardly run for an additional ten minutes before Kakashi motioned for them to stop again.

“Tenzo, stay here,” Kakashi whispered. “We’ll signal if we need you.” Tenzo knew his cat mask hid his expression, but he hoped desperately that Kakashi would somehow read his mind and understand how uncomfortable he was with this situation. But whether he did or didn’t Tenzo didn’t know, because Kakashi turned without another word and left with Yugao and Ko.

And then it was silent.

Tenzo hated this. Hated being backup. Hated waiting. Hated not knowing if Kakashi was dead or alive. How did Ko do this almost every mission? No wonder he had such a problem with Kakashi. This sucked. 

He passed the time by playing over the mission scenario in his head a hundred times. He could see the building ahead where the target was located. Soon, Yugao would cause a distraction. After a couple minutes, Kakashi and Ko would enter the house. Everything would be fine. Kakashi was a spectacular shinobi. 

But Ko was dead weight, dragging him down.

_ No _ . Tenzo forced himself to stop the thought. It was rude to think that way of his fellow teammate. Ko was ANBU just like him, he wasn’t some useless genin or something. He could hold his own, too. He wasn’t Tenzo, but he would be fine. 

The sound of an explosion rang out from the direction of the house. Tenzo’s heart beat wildly - the mission had begun. 

He couldn’t see much from his current vantage point so he climbed up higher into a sturdy looking tree. From almost the top of the tree he could just make out Yugao, holding her own against four guards. Kakashi and Ko were nowhere to be seen.

_ They’re infiltrating from the other side of the house, _ Tenzo assured himself. That would make the most tactical sense - if Yugao was drawing all the guards to this side, Kakashi and Ko would have more luck slipping in unnoticed from the other side. 

He looked back at Yugao to see the bodies of the original four guards lying dead around her as she fought off two more. Tenzo felt a slight relief in the fact that at least six guards were no longer a threat to Kakashi and Ko, but it was replaced with anxiety again when he wondered how many guards there could be. If they sent six out to fight Yugao, there could be dozens…

Tenzo took a deep breath. He was acting ridiculous and he knew it. He was ANBU, after all. He should be better at remaining calm and emotionless. There was no reason to get all worked up. 

He looked back at Yugao - she was gone. Tenzo tried to think of the scenario that would’ve drawn her away. The only thing he could figure is that she had wiped out all the guards and was now providing backup for Kakashi and Ko. They hadn’t released the signal flare requesting Tenzo’s help, so if she was providing backup it wasn’t because they needed it. Unless they were so hurt that they  _ couldn’t _ release the signal flare, and Yugao was rushing in to finish the job for them as they lay dead in a puddle of blood…

Tenzo gritted his teeth. He was done waiting. Yes, he should be suppressing his emotions and waiting silently in the trees for his teammates to request his help but Kakashi was his best friend in the entire world and Tenzo didn’t know how he’d live without him if he lost him and so by golly, he was going to rush into that house - orders be damned - and find Kakashi and make sure he was alive or else…

“Oi, Tenzo.” 

Tenzo’s head shot down with a gasp. His three teammates were below him. He dropped down unceremoniously and had to physically restrain himself from throwing his arms around Kakashi and sobbing in relief. 

“Done?” he said, consciously ensuring his voice remained steady. 

“Yep,” Kakashi said. “Let’s move out.” They took off through the trees in the direction of the Land of Fire. 

Tenzo had felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders when Kakashi had returned with the team, but the pit of anxiety was starting to form in his stomach again as he thought about the implication of this mission. If Ko had proven to be useful to Kakashi in eliminating the target, then perhaps Kakashi would start using Ko as his partner more often. Tenzo would be on backup duty for more and more missions, or maybe all of them, and he wouldn’t be there to protect Kakashi. 

“You alright, Tenz?” He turned to see Ko running next to him. Tenzo cocked his head to the side in confusion - how had Ko read his anxiety with this mask hiding his face? “You’re looking like you’re about to punch something,” Ko clarified.

Tenzo looked down and realized he had balled his hands into fists in front of himself in a strange fighting stance while running. He shook his head and released his fists.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, not even bothering to try to come up with an excuse for his position. Ko huffed.

“Not a fan of backup duty?” Ko guessed. Tenzo felt a surge of guilt - he was so concerned about protecting Kakashi that he hadn’t even really considered that Ko might have enjoyed getting out of backup duty for once. And if they had to alternate on missions going forward, maybe that would make Ko happy. And having happy teammates was probably important to the success of an ANBU team - Kakashi was always going on and on about teamwork, maybe this was what he meant.

“Not so much,” Tenzo admitted. Ko chuckled.

“Good,” Ko said. “I’ll take it back. I thought I was going to give myself an ulcer today, stressing about rushing into that situation. All I could think about was you or Yugao or Kakashi getting hurt and me - the medic - being dead and unable to help. I much prefer hanging back until I’m needed, if we’re being honest.” 

Tenzo was glad his mask his the mixed expression of shock and glee on his face. 

“Guess we make a good team then,” Tenzo said. Ko nodded, and they continued running in silence.

***

Tenzo’s renewed good mood only lasted until they set up camp that night, when Kakashi continued to act weird. He wasn’t really talking to Tenzo, or so it seemed, and he even set up his sleeping situation on the other side of Yugao, instead of directly next to Tenzo like he normally did. The following night’s camp was the same way, and the last stretch of the journey to Konoha didn’t bring about the normal playful banter Kakashi and Tenzo usually shared. 

When they finally made it back to ANBU headquarters, Tenzo was feeling downright rotten. He hadn’t felt this lonely in years - since before he joined ANBU with Kakashi - and he was desperately trying to think of a way to regain his senpai’s affection. He was so caught up in that thought during his shower that he failed to notice someone else entering the room until they were right beside him.

“So, it’s not really my place to ask,” Ko said as he turned on the shower head next to Tenzo’s, startling him. “But did you and Kakashi-taicho get in a fight or something? This whole mission felt kind of weird.” Tenzo felt vindicated, but it only made his bad mood worse.

“I don’t really know,” he admitted. Ko shrugged as he started washing his hair.

“Well, you know how taicho can be,” he said sympathetically. “Whatever it is, he’ll get over it.” Rather than responding, Tenzo quickly finished showering and went back into the locker room. Kakashi wasn’t in there, but a quick check of his locker revealed that his clothes were still folded neatly inside, so he must not have left yet. Tenzo decided he had probably gone to pick up the paperwork he needed to fill out for the mission, a task he often entrusted Tenzo with - more proof that something was off. 

Tenzo sighed and sat down on the bench in front of Kakashi’s locker. He certainly had no right to feel this upset about Kakashi’s behavior. This is exactly how the squad captain  _ should _ be treating his subordinates. It was the way he treated Ko and Yugao. He wasn’t treating Tenzo any worse than them. And Tenzo was the one who had told Kakashi to be nicer to Ko, after all, so he had brought this on himself. He should’ve known that Kakashi’s method of fixing a favoritism issue wouldn’t be to treat Ko and Yugao like Tenzo, it would be to treat Tenzo like Ko and Yugao. 

“Maa, don’t look so downtrodden.” 

Tenzo looked up to find Kakashi standing next to him. He must’ve entered the locker room at some point while Tenzo was lost in his thoughts. Tenzo sighed in an effort to look less upset, but realized immediately it only made him look more depressed. Kakashi noticed and sat down on the bench right next to Tenzo.

“What’s wrong?” he said, in an unusually soft and caring tone. Tenzo looked over at Kakashi, who was looking at him with so much genuine concern that it made Tenzo’s heart hurt. He sighed and laid his head down on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Can you go back to playing favorites now?” he said. Kakashi exhaled sharply in amusement and patted Tenzo on the thigh. 

“You’re still my favorite, Tenzo, don’t worry,” he said. “I was trying to prove a point to Ko. He acts like he doesn’t want me to give you special treatment, but he already told me that I was acting weird on this mission and he didn’t like it. So that should teach him to complain about me playing favorites.” Tenzo smiled and felt light as a feather.

“You could’ve at least told me,” he said in mock frustration.

“Then you wouldn’t have acted all sad and depressed and Ko wouldn’t have felt so uncomfortable,” Kakashi said. Tenzo rolled his eyes but couldn’t deny that he wasn’t really upset with Kakashi. He was never really upset with Kakashi. 

The door to the locker room opened and Ko entered. Tenzo realized he was still laying his head on Kakashi’s shoulder, so he stood up and walked over to his locker to get his things. Kakashi followed him. 

“You want to get dinner?” he said softly into Tenzo’s ear from behind him, clearly making an effort to keep Ko from hearing and trying to tag along.  Tenzo nodded. “I still need to shower. Why don’t I meet you at your apartment in a little bit?” Kakashi offered. Tenzo turned around and nodded, struck suddenly by how close Kakashi was standing and how close their faces were to each other. Kakashi didn’t seem to notice or didn’t seem to mind, because he didn’t back up to create more space.

“Sure senpai,” Tenzo said, fighting back the blush that threatened to take over his whole face. “Don’t make me wait too long.” Kakashi’s mask didn’t fully hide the smirk he flashed Tenzo before turning and walking towards the showers. Tenzo chanced a glance at Ko and was embarrassed to find him staring with raised eyebrows, clearly having witnessed the whole exchange. 

“Guess he got over it?” Ko said. Tenzo shrugged.

“Guess so,” he said. Ko chuckled.

“Good,” he said. Tenzo turned and left the locker room and started the trek back to his apartment, feeling warm in the knowledge that Kakashi would be joining him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said this story was darker than my usual stuff and then this chapter (and the next one tbh) are both kind of light and comical... but trust me, the darkness comes back around.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE huge huge thanks and shout out to [imayoshis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imayoshis/pseuds/imayoshis) for beta-ing this chapter!!

The locker room was deserted and strangely dark when Tenzo emerged from the showers. He walked over to his locker and let his towel fall to the floor as he grabbed his clothes. Suddenly, strong hands were on his hips. He turned to see Kakashi standing behind him - where had he come from? - staring him down with a purely seductive look. 

Tenzo thought his heart was going to beat right out of his chest as Kakashi whipped him around to face him and then slowly dropped to his knees, never breaking eye contact with Tenzo. Kakashi’s strong hand left its place on Tenzo’s hip and was wrapping around his cock instead. Tenzo couldn’t help but let a groan escape at the sensation, but it was nothing compared to the next feeling when Kakashi let his tongue swirl around the tip and down the vein on the underside of his shaft. Tenzo reached blindly behind himself to press his palms flat against the door to the locker in an attempt to keep himself standing upright. Kakashi took Tenzo completely into his mouth, letting his tongue explore along the way, and Tenzo heard himself moaning without abandon. Tenzo was fucking Kakashi’s mouth ruthlessly now and Kakashi was just taking it, letting Tenzo’s cock slide down his throat and back over and over again. Tenzo was close, so close, just a few more thrusts and he’d be there…

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. _

Tenzo sat upright and looked around. He was in his bed - not the locker room. His alarm was going off. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. The only piece of evidence linking to the strange memory on Tenzo’s mind was his own raging erection.

_ Oh my god, _ Tenzo thought.  _ Did I just have a fucking sex dream about Kakashi? _

He put his face in his hands and groaned, feeling utter humiliation washing over his entire body despite the fact that no one but him knew about the dream. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was 8:30, and felt dread settling into his chest as he remembered the reason he was waking up so early on a day with no mission planned - he was scheduled to meet Kakashi at the training grounds in half an hour. How he’d be able to look him in the eye, he had no idea. He briefly considered sending a clone to tell Kakashi he was too sick to train, but then Kakashi would come by to take care of him and find that he wasn’t sick at all.

Resigned to the fact that he’d have to face Kakashi eventually - sooner than he would prefer, in fact - he got out of bed and went into the bathroom to take care of the much easier issue that had arisen from the dream. Feeling under satisfied by his completion, he got dressed and started trudging his way towards the training grounds.

Kakashi wasn’t there when he arrived, which wasn’t too surprising. Tenzo had told himself time and time again that he was going to stop showing up to every meeting with Kakashi on time, but so far he hadn’t found the courage to be late. He just knew the one day he decided to be late would be the day Kakashi decided to be on time. 

Tenzo sat down on a tree stump to wait, then, finding it extremely uncomfortable, decided to make a bench instead. He laid on his back, figuring he’d have to wait for quite a while before Kakashi decided to show up, and started trying to analyze the dream he had had.

There was no mistake that it was Kakashi he had been dreaming about. And there was also no mistake what Kakashi was doing in said dream. But why would Tenzo be dreaming about  _ him _ and  _ that? _ Sure, Kakashi was attractive. Very attractive, actually. Just downright sexy, if Tenzo was being honest. But he’d never thought about him in that manner before. They were just friends.

Tenzo’s self-reflection was cut short by something dropping out of the tree above him and landing on top of him, and he had to suppress a horrified squeak when he realized it was Kakashi. 

“Good morning,” Kakashi said, seemingly in an unusually chipper mood. “I thought we could work on taijutsu today, so I figured I’d start off with the first win. Looks like you’re pinned, so I’ll go ahead and call this one.” Tenzo felt fear and panic threatening to overflow. Why, today of all days, did Kakashi want to  _ spar?! _

“Er… what about kenjutsu instead?” Tenzo suggested, desperately picking something that was a little less… intimate. “I’m… not so good at that.” Kakashi rolled his eyes.

“Pffft, yes you are,” he said. “Besides, what’s the problem? You afraid of losing?” Tenzo sighed. 

“No, not really,” he said. 

“Okay then, let’s go,” Kakashi said, finally climbing off of Tenzo. 

Tenzo sighed and closed his eyes to try to clear his mind but was horrified to instead find it filled with thoughts of Kakashi’s lips around his cock. He winced visibly in humiliation at his own thought and felt his face burn.

“What’s wrong with you?” Kakashi said. Tenzo’s eyes shot open and he found Kakashi standing over him, peering down with an expression of concern.

“N...nothing,” Tenzo lied. “I had a weird dream last night, that’s all.” 

“Mmm, another nightmare?” Kakashi guessed. Tenzo sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, finding himself incapable of calling the dream a nightmare. Kakashi nodded in understanding. 

“Alright, well maybe a good ass kicking will help,” he said, reaching out a hand to help Tenzo up. Tenzo took it and was overcome with embarrassment - as if by touching his hand, Kakashi would somehow be able to read his thoughts. His thoughts which now included Kakashi’s hands doing unspeakable things to him. 

Tenzo felt the beginnings of arousal and tried to squelch it by thinking of every horrible thing he could.

_ Orochimaru. Test tubes. Danzo. Human experimentation. Child soldiers. _

It seemed to work. 

He and Kakashi walked out to the middle of the field and made the symbolic hand gesture before beginning to spar. Tenzo’s first instinct was usually to attack but today he leapt immediately backwards, trying to put as much distance between himself and Kakashi as possible. It worked to take Kakashi off guard, and gave Tenzo time to run around behind him and land the first kick on Kakashi’s back. 

Kakashi stumbled forwards but recovered quickly and spun around, catching Tenzo’s leg in the air as he attempted a second kick. Tenzo used Kakashi’s grip as leverage to jump over top of his senpai. 

_ Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, _ Tenzo thought.  _ It’s certainly forcing me to focus on something other than the dream. _

Just as he landed, though, Kakashi swung his leg in a low kick, knocking Tenzo off balance and causing him to fall flat on his back. Before he could roll away Kakashi was on him, stradling Tenzo’s hips, his hand on his throat forcing him to stay down.

_ Nope, nope, nope,  _ Tenzo thought.  _ This was a terrible idea. _

“Two for Kakashi,” Kakashi said, releasing his grip on his kohai’s throat. “You need to step up your game.” Tenzo stared in horror at the beautiful man who was sitting on him and felt the beginnings of arousal again.

_ Fuck!  _ He thought.  _ No, no, no… Orochimaru. Danzo. Uh… human… something, human anatomy… no! Fuck! _

It was too late. Tenzo covered his face entirely in his hands and tried to will his heart to stop beating and cause him to die. There was no way Kakashi didn’t feel why Tenzo was so embarrassed, and it was really quite rude that he still had him pinned to the ground.

“Whyyyyyy,” Tenzo groaned in embarrassment, the noise muffled by his own hands. 

“Tenzo, when’s the last time you got some?” Kakashi asked, adding to Tenzo’s humiliation. 

“It’s been a while,” he admitted, still refusing to lower his hands and meet Kakashi’s gaze.

“Alright, new plan,” Kakashi said, still sitting on Tenzo. “We’re going to the bar tonight and we’re not leaving until you have someone to go home with.” At that abominable suggestion, Tenzo finally ripped his hands away from his face.

“What!” he spat. “No! Kakashi, no. That’s a horrible idea.” With his hands removed from his face, Tenzo could see that Kakashi had his arms crossed over his chest and was looking down on Tenzo with an expression of amusement. He was clearly enjoying the position his kohai was in.

“How is it a horrible idea?” he said. “You clearly need to get some if a simple spar is causing… this.” Tenzo again wished he could die. 

“Senpai, get off me,” he said. “This is sexual harassment!” Kakashi laughed.

“Sexual harassment?!” he exclaimed, still laughing. “You’re the one whose dick is halfway up my ass.” At that, Tenzo found the strength to push Kakashi off of him. Kakashi continued laughing as Tenzo stomped away.  

“Tenzo, come back,” he said, still chuckling. “I’m sorry, please come back.” Tenzo stopped walking but refused to turn back around. He heard Kakashi jog up behind him and place his hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m being a total jerk.” 

“Yes, you are,” Tenzo said. 

“But come on,” he said. “If the tables were turned, you’d be doing the same thing.” Tenzo scoffed.

“Would I?” he said. Kakashi tilted his head back and forth and hummed in thought.

“No, you’re right,” he said. “You’d still somehow manage to be the humiliated one.” Tenzo groaned and started stomping away again. 

“It’s not a big deal, Tenz,” Kakashi said, jogging to catch up with him again. “Seriously, it’s not. It happens. To everyone.” 

“Really, everyone?” Tenzo said skeptically. “Because it’s never happened to me before today.”

“Yes, everyone,” Kakashi said. “As far as I understand, it pretty much happens to Gai every single time he spars.”

“That absolutely does not make me feel better,” Tenzo said, trying to shake away the disgusting images that statement had produced. “And I don’t want to hear that at all, actually.” 

“It’s happened to me before,” Kakashi said. Tenzo finally stopped walking.

“Really?” he said. “With who?” To Tenzo’s surprise, Kakashi turned red as a tomato and started sputtering.

“No one, that doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m just saying it happens.” Tenzo raised one eyebrow. 

“Kakashi, who was it with?” he said. Kakashi stared at the sky and shook his head, clearly regretting having said anything at all. “Gai?” Tenzo guessed. Kakashi shot him a look.

“What? No!” he said. Tenzo chuckled.

“Me?” he guessed. Kakashi somehow managed to turn even redder and failed to deny it.

“Guess we both need to find someone to take home tonight,” he said finally. Tenzo chuckled, glad to finally place some of the humiliation back on Kakashi’s shoulders. There had been a few spars that had ended with Kakashi pinning him for about one second and then running away, and Tenzo now felt certain he knew why. 

“Shall we continue?” Tenzo asked. Kakashi looked at him and smiled. 

“If you think you can handle it,” he said. Tenzo jovially punched him in the arm as they walked back out to the field to continue their training.

***

Despite Tenzo’s protests, Kakashi had dragged him to the bar with him that night in search of a release for both of them. And now that they were seated in a shadowy corner of the bar, Kakashi was finding ways to be as obnoxious as possible.

“How about that guy?” he said for the hundredth time. Tenzo rolled his eyes but turned around to see someone about five times his age with a giant potbelly at the bar. He spun back around.

“He’s more your type,” Tenzo said, smiling a little as Kakashi chuckled at his response. 

“How about her?” Kakashi said. Tenzo turned around again - this time it was actually an age-appropriate suggestion, and she wasn’t bad looking either. Tenzo shrugged. 

“Not bad,” he said. “Why don’t you go for her?” Kakashi scoffed.

“Tenzo, I’m gay,” he said. “We’ve been over this before.” Tenzo shrugged again. Tenzo was into guys and girls, and often forgot that Kakashi had a preference. “I’m going to call her over here for you,” Kakashi said. Tenzo gasped in horror and reached across the table in an attempt to grab Kakashi’s hand to keep him from waving her over, but it was too late. She sauntered over.

“Hello,” she said directly to Kakashi. 

“Hi there,” he said. “Haaaave you met Tenzo?” He gestured across the table to his mortified kohai. 

“Hi,” Tenzo squeaked out. She smiled but it didn’t hide her disappointment at being set up with Tenzo and not Kakashi. 

“No I haven’t,” she said, sticking out her hand. “I’m Kyoko.” Tenzo took her hand and shook it. 

“Nice to meet you,” he said. 

“Would you like a drink?” Kakashi offered. “Tenzo is buying.” Tenzo whipped his head around to glare at his senpai. Kyoko laughed.

“I’m actually meeting someone here, but thanks for the offer,” she said. 

“Oh okay,” Kakashi said. “Well, see you around.” She waved and walked over to the bar.

“Senpai, were you flirting with her… for me?” he asked. “I don’t think that’s a very effective strategy.” Kakashi scoffed.

“I don’t either, but clearly someone has to, because you’re not doing a good job of flirting on your own,” he said. Tenzo rolled his eyes.

“Senpai, can we please just go home?” he said. “I really don’t want to take anyone home tonight.”

“Really?” Kakashi said. “Cause you seemed so… eager, earlier.” Tenzo groaned.

“Fuuuck,” he said. “That does it. I’m leaving.” He stood up from their table and walked towards the door, not caring in the slightest that he was abandoning his best friend at a bar. He went to pull open the door but it swung towards him as someone entered.

“Oh! Excuse me,” he said, then recognized the person entering the bar. “Hey, Genma!” 

“Tenzo!” Genma said, clearly already a little tipsy. He must’ve been bar hopping. “Long time no see!” Tenzo chose to refrain from mentioning that he had seen Genma just last week, though by happenstance.

“I’m just heading out, but have a good night,” he said. Genma draped his arm around Tenzo, preventing him from leaving the bar.

“You heading home?” he said with a sultry tone. Tenzo’s ears perked up - Kakashi had wanted him to take someone home, and here was a perfect person. Tenzo and Genma had already had a sort of no-strings-attached arrangement. But it had been quite a while since either of them had called on the other. 

“Yeah, you wanna come?” Tenzo said. Genma nodded eagerly. Tenzo turned to make sure Kakashi saw the situation, and was surprised and annoyed to find him pouting in the booth. He shook his head. Kakashi was the one who had dragged him here with the sole purpose of getting laid and now that he was, he was all upset about being left alone. Whatever. Tenzo waved and followed Genma out of the bar and to his apartment. 

***

Tenzo awoke the next morning to the sound of his alarm, thanking the heavens it wasn’t in the same situation as the previous morning. He opened his eyes to find Genma already up and getting dressed.

“Sorry, gotta run,” he said. “Supposed to head out on a mission in a few hours.” Tenzo nodded sleepily.

“Alright, see you,” he said. Genma left and Tenzo got out of bed to get dressed. He couldn’t remember why he had set his alarm… there were no missions today and he had met with Kakashi yesterday. He finally decided he must have just forgotten to turn it off. He went into the kitchen to start making breakfast. 

“Yo.” 

Startled, Tenzo turned to see Kakashi squatting in his window.

“Hey, senpai,” he said, not entirely unaccustomed to Kakashi’s sudden visits. “Were we supposed to meet this morning? I set an alarm and can’t remember why.” Kakashi thought for a moment.

“Hmm, no I don’t think so,” he said, hopping out of the window into the apartment and looking around. “Is Genma here?” Tenzo scrunched his face up in confusion.

“No, Genma isn’t here,” he said. “Why would you come to my apartment looking for Genma?” Kakashi’s face lit up. “He already left,” Tenzo clarified. Kakashi’s face fell again. “Kakashi, what is your deal? You sent me to the bar to hook up with someone, so why are you so upset that I did?” Kakashi sighed and sat down on Tenzo’s couch.

“I’m not upset,” he lied. Tenzo sat next to him.

“Are you just jealous that I took someone home and you didn't?” he asked. Kakashi chuckled.

“Yep,” he said. “Guess I was jealous of your success.” Tenzo couldn’t shake the distinct feeling that Kakashi was still lying, and wondered vainly if Kakashi was actually upset that Tenzo brought someone home because he was jealous of Tenzo being with another man. But that was ridiculous. Kakashi wasn’t into Tenzo, and never would be. Tenzo would always just be Kakashi’s little reliable kohai.

“You want some breakfast?” Tenzo asked, changing the subject. Kakashi nodded. Tenzo got up and went into the kitchen, and his thoughts immediately returned to their earlier train. If Kakashi  _ was _ jealous about Tenzo being with another man, maybe there was an opportunity here. Tenzo’s dream the previous morning had certainly given indication that he might be more into his senpai than he had previously considered, so perhaps it was an avenue worth pursuing. “Uh, senpai?” he asked hesitantly, pulling ingredients out of the cabinet. 

“Hmm?” Kakashi questioned. Tenzo immediately regretting saying anything at all. If Kakashi wasn’t into him, just bringing up the subject would likely make for a very awkward rest of eternity that they had to work together. And if he was into him, that might be even more dangerous. Kakashi was Tenzo’s best friend, and Tenzo had no intention of ruining that friendship with sex.

“Er… nothing,” Tenzo responded finally. For now, he was content to remain just friends.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains violence against a child.

“Alright, we have another mission tomorrow but that’ll just be a two-man team,” Kakashi said to his team in the locker room of ANBU headquarters, reading off of a scroll. Tenzo was standing next to him, reading over his shoulder, while Yugao and Ko were leaning against the lockers across the row, looking quite bored.

“So, you and Tenzo will do that mission,” Ko guessed. Kakashi looked up from the scroll with fire in his eyes.

“I’m the captain, I’ll make the assignments,” he said harshly. Ko held his hands up defensively.

“Sorry, Kakashi-taicho,” he said. Kakashi looked back down at his scroll.

“Sooo... me and Tenzo will do that mission,” he said. Ko and Yugao groaned as Tenzo fought back a chuckle. “Alright, that’s all,” Kakashi continued, a slight hint of amusement in his voice. “Yugao and Ko, you’re dismissed. Tenzo, stay behind so we can discuss tomorrow’s mission.”

Yugao and Ko left, leaving Kakashi and Tenzo alone in the locker room. Kakashi rolled the scroll up and tapped it lightly against the top of Tenzo’s head.

“We’ll need to leave pretty early tomorrow,” he said. “This mission will be outside of Kusagakure. If we leave early tomorrow we can complete the mission and return home within the week.”

“Yes, senpai,” Tenzo said. Kakashi pushed off the lockers and started leaving the locker room, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Tenzo was following. He was.

“You want to just stay at my place tonight so we can leave directly from there without having to meet up somewhere first?” he asked. Tenzo glanced up at him - he and Kakashi had slept at each other’s apartments for the purpose of an early mission a few times before, and it had never been weird. But after Tenzo’s dream the other day he had come to the realization that he was hopelessly in love with his senpai. Things that had never been weird before suddenly felt very awkward. But Tenzo was actively making an effort to not let his crush get in the way of his job or change their team dynamic at all, so he sucked it up.

“Yeah, sounds good senpai,” he said. For a second he thought he saw a faint blush creep above Kakashi’s mask, but decided he was just projecting. There was certainly no reason for Kakashi to be embarrassed about the situation that he had just created.

“Cool,” Kakashi said. “Let’s pack and then you can come over afterwards. I’ll make dinner if you want.” Tenzo was struck suddenly by how much his and Kakashi’s relationship had evolved into that of an old married couple. The thought made stop in his tracks.

“Er, you don’t have to do that,” Tenzo said. “I can come over after dinner.” Kakashi turned around to look at Tenzo with his eyebrow raised.

“Why? I thought you loved my cooking,” he asked, sounding a little dejected. Tenzo sighed.

“Of course I do,” he said. Kakashi shrugged in question. “I just, er… don’t want to be a burden on you.” Kakashi’s eye crinkled into a smile.

“You’re never a burden on me, Tenz,” he said. “Just come over for dinner. I have to make sure you eat something other than food pills.” Tenzo chuckled.

“Okay, senpai,” he said. Kakashi turned and continued out of the locker room. Tenzo groaned inwardly. Of course he had to go and fall madly in love with his best friend who was also his squad captain. It was just like him to create the perfect storm of awkward situations.

He and Kakashi walked to town in silence, and Tenzo was relieved to wave goodbye when they reached the turn off to his apartment. Despite the constant feeling of anxiety he now felt around Kakashi, he was surprised to realize he felt a little unwhole now that he was away. But still, he needed at least a little time away from his senpai before they were forced together for an entire week for this mission.

Arriving at the door to his apartment, Tenzo made a key from his finger and stepped inside. He immediately went into his bedroom to start packing, but found himself swimming in his thoughts instead.

Perhaps forming a crush on Kakashi was only natural. After all, he spent approximately ninety percent of his time with the man - all of his time at work and most of his free time too. Tenzo’s little crush was probably just a temporary infatuation, the kind that would disappear on its own after a few weeks. All he had to do was survive for a few weeks, and everything would be back to normal.

That conclusion made Tenzo feel much better about his upcoming trip and he started packing with more purpose. He quickly watered his plants before locking up his apartment and heading across town to Kakashi’s. Upon arrival, the door swung open just before Tenzo could knock.

“Pakkun smelled you coming,” Kakashi said simply, walking back into the kitchen. Tenzo stared in horror from his spot in the doorway. Kakashi was standing in the kitchen, a towel draped over his shoulder, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs as he cooked something on the stove.

 _He knows. He must know,_ Tenzo thought to himself. _He’s doing this to torture me._

“Something wrong?” Tenzo looked down to see Pakkun talking to him, his big brown eyes full of concern. Tenzo’s face grew hot as he realized he had been staring slack jawed at his half-naked friend.

“Nope, nothing,” he said, stepping into the apartment and shutting the door behind him.

“Fish will be ready in a little bit,” Kakashi said without looking up from the stove. Tenzo forced his eyes away and looked down at Pakkun again, feeling embarrassed at the knowing expression on the little dog’s face.

 _Great, even the dog knows about my stupid crush,_ he thought. He went into Kakashi’s room and dropped his pack on the floor and briefly considered hiding out in there until dinner was ready, but decided that would prompt too many questions. Instead, he grabbed one of his architecture books that he had left at Kakashi’s apartment before and went back into the living room, forcing himself not to look at his squad leader. He threw himself onto the couch and opened the book to a random page to read as the dogs settled in to cuddle with him.

Instead of absorbing anything on the page, Tenzo found his brain wandering to thoughts about Kakashi. He’d seen him in his boxers and less before - in the shower, in the locker room, and during other pre-mission sleepovers. It wasn’t unusual, and Kakashi likely wasn’t going out of his way now to torture him. This was just part of the awkwardness that Tenzo would have to endure until his infatuation fizzled out.

He found himself glancing over the top of the book to watch Kakashi cook. He wasn’t doing anything special - just searing fish in a skillet - but Tenzo found himself nearly drooling at the scene. Kakashi’s shoulder muscles were toned and defined as he gripped the skillet handle. A scar on his lower back led under the hem of his boxers, which displayed his perfectly taut ass with clear definition…

“So, what’s going on with you?” Tenzo jumped as Pakkun’s face suddenly appeared in his field of vision behind his book, blocking out the sight of Kakashi’s ass.

“Oh, uh… just the usual,” he said. Pakkun cocked his little head.

“Yeah? You’re acting a little strange,” he said. “You feeling alright?” Tenzo was irritated to feel his cheeks burning again.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” he said. He realized he was indeed acting strange. He hadn’t even greeted the dogs since he arrived and was buried behind a book. He set it aside and scratched Pakkun behind the ears. This seemed to appease the dog, who laid back down on Tenzo’s lap. Akino nudged his head under Tenzo’s other hand, forcing him to pet him as well.

“Alright, dinner’s ready,” Kakashi said, bringing two plates over to the couch. He shooed the dogs onto the floor and handed a plate to Tenzo before sitting next to him.

They ate in silence, Tenzo hyper-aware of the near nakedness of the man sitting so close to him. He found his eyes often wandering over to look at the pale skin of his side, marked by various scars, or his stomach, tight over his abs, or his arm, contrasted sharply with his red ANBU tattoo. Tenzo briefly noted that it was almost unfair how his own ANBU tattoo didn’t look near as sexy on his arm.

“We should get to bed,” Kakashi said suddenly, right after they finished eating. “It’s early, but we have to wake up pretty soon.”

“Yes, senpai,” Tenzo said, falling back on the safety of being proper to avoid saying something stupid.

“I think I took the bed last time,” Kakashi said. “You can have it this time. I’ll sleep out here.”

“No!” Tenzo nearly shouted. The thought of sleeping in Kakashi’s bed was almost too much to handle. He looked over to find Kakashi and the dogs staring at him incredulously. “I mean, no, that’s okay. I’ll take the couch.” Kakashi shrugged.

“Suit yourself,” he said, standing up to bring his and Tenzo’s dishes to the kitchen. Tenzo followed and they quickly washed and dried the dishes.

“Alright well, good night,” Kakashi said once they had finished.

“Night, senpai,” Tenzo replied, laying down on the couch. Pakkun, Akino, and Shiba jumped up on the couch with him. The remaining dogs followed Kakashi into his room. Tenzo let out a sigh as he heard Kakashi’s bedroom door click shut.

“You need to get it together while you're on your mission,” Pakkun whispered suddenly. Tenzo looked down at the dog sitting on his chest.

“I do have it together,” he lied. Pakkun huffed.

“Tenzo, I don’t want to find out that you or Boss got killed because you were distracted,” he said. Tenzo laid his head down and groaned.

“I know,” he said finally, realizing he couldn’t hide his true feelings from the surprisingly perceptive animal. “I’ll be fine. I’m ANBU. I can turn it all off for a mission.” Pakkun seemed to feel better by that, and he curled up on Tenzo’s chest and quickly fell asleep. Tenzo tried to sleep but found himself distracted by his own thoughts.

_I certainly hope I can turn it all off for this mission._

***

Three days later, Tenzo found himself on the last leg of their journey to the mission. He was pleased that he had been mostly successful in turning off his emotions for the trip thus far. Pakkun would be proud. He hadn’t been distracted by Kakashi or his perfect ass at all on the trip, and had only found himself thinking of him romantically once, when he was struck by how adorable it was when Kakashi got embarrassed for knocking over a canteen and spilling water all over their campsite. But even that thought had been quickly squelched.

As they approached their target location, Tenzo mentally went back over the plan. This mission was a pretty simple one - there was a rogue ninja who had been rumored to be working with Orochimaru. They were to sneak into his hideout while he was gone and steal as much data and information as possible. They weren’t to kill the target unless absolutely necessary - no reason to end a potentially valuable source of future intel. It was just get in, steal information about Orochimaru, and get out. As such, it was also a pretty simple plan. He and Kakashi would stick together and infiltrate the hideout, then split up once inside to steal as much information as possible in the shortest amount of time. Easy peasy.

“Alright, looks like we’re here,” Kakashi said from behind his porcelain mask. They were approaching a large wooden house - a little too flamboyant to be called a “hideout” in Tenzo’s opinion. “Ready?”

“Yes senpai,” Tenzo said. Kakashi nodded and without another word, the two of them were off.

Infiltrating the house proved to be much easier than Tenzo could’ve possibly hoped for. There were no guards posted outside, no traps, no trips, no nothing. They simply entered the house unnoticed. Kakashi signalled to Tenzo that he’d be searching downstairs, so Tenzo crept up the stairs to begin his own search.

The first room he entered was the bathroom, which he decided probably wouldn’t be a very valuable source of information. He moved on to the next room, which was a bedroom. After sensing carefully to ensure he didn’t detect anyone else in the room he began sneaking around, searching for any information on Orochimaru. A nightstand drawer contained some letters that might include valuable information, but the rest of the room was pretty empty. Tenzo quickly checked for Kakashi’s chakra signature and, finding it safely downstairs, continued on with his search.

The next room Tenzo entered seemed to be the jackpot. It looked like an office of sorts, with a large desk covered with papers and manuals and blueprints. Tenzo quickly started to gather up everything he could. He opened a drawer, finding various vials filled with different colored liquids. He pushed away the shiver up his spine that he always got when he saw vials of liquid, and decided to take them with him.

The hairs on the back of Tenzo’s neck stood up and he suddenly realized he wasn’t alone. He jerked his head up to see a young boy standing in the doorway to the office.

 _The intel didn’t say anything about a son,_ Tenzo thought in a panic. If this boy was here, than it was possible the target was also here and not away as they had previously thought.

“What are you doing here,” the boy demanded. Tenzo took a step back - he had expected the voice of a meek child, but instead found this boy to sound very authoritative. Tenzo didn’t reply. The boy looked to be about 11 or 12, maybe a little older and small for his age, but certainly several years younger than Tenzo. It wouldn’t be difficult to simply trap him in a wooden cage for his father to find upon his return. But then he might describe Tenzo’s appearance to his father, and reveal that it had been the Hidden Leaf who stole all these documents and vials.

Tenzo decided the best course of action would be to put the boy in a mild genjutsu to cause him to forget about what he’d seen, then cage him up and go about his business. He took a step around the desk to initiate his plan, and was taken aback by what he saw. The boy quickly pulled out a kunai and threw it at Tenzo.

 _A ninja?!_ he thought as he dodged the knife. _Either way, he’s still a child, my plan should still work._

Tenzo began the genjutsu and was pleased when the boy’s eyes glazed over, clearly entranced. He quickly weaved a sign and started to create a wooden cage for the boy, but he suddenly jerked out of his trance and leapt out of the cage before it was finished.

“What the…” Tenzo began as the boy charged him with surprising speed. He landed a kick on Tenzo’s shoulder, knocking him backwards slightly. Tenzo shot branches at him in an attempt to catch him and render him unable to move but the boy was remarkably agile, leaping from branch to branch while moving closer to Tenzo. The boy weaved a sign and blew towards Tenzo, sending a green spray towards him. Tenzo dodged it and stared in horror as it melted the branches it landed on.

 _What kind of bizarre kekkei genkai is this?!_ He thought. _And why does this child live here?!_

As if the thoughts were the key to the conclusion, it suddenly became clear to Tenzo. This boy was likely another one of Orochimaru’s experiments, or the experiment of the rogue ninja working for Orochimaru. He was young, yes, but so was Tenzo when he was experimented on by Orochimaru and when he worked for Danzo.

“Stop, please!” Tenzo shouted. “I don’t want to hurt you!” The boy was so young, too young to understand what he was doing. Just like Tenzo had been too young to understand when he joined with Danzo and killed on his command. When he had been given the curse of the mokuton by Orochimaru. This boy was just like him.

Tenzo’s words seemed to have no effect on the boy; he blew another spray of acid in his direction. Tenzo jumped out of the way again, blocking the exposed skin of his arm with wood.

“Stop! Stop!” he yelled again. “Please, I don’t want to kill you! Don’t make me kill you!” He was practically begging the boy now but still he persisted. A noise in the doorway distracted them both and Tenzo turned to see Kakashi coming to investigate why Tenzo was screaming. The boy inhaled to breathe acid towards Kakashi. Tenzo realized his senpai was unaware of the danger coming his way and lacked a jutsu like the mokuton that would protect him from the onslaught. If Tenzo did nothing, Kakashi would die.

Before he could change his mind, Tenzo sent a spear of wood through the child’s back.

“Tenzo, what…?” Kakashi started, but Tenzo was oblivious to the rest of his sentence. He was staring in horror at the dead boy in the middle of the room. The boy he had just murdered. He was so young, too young…

Tenzo fell to his knees.

 _Block it out, Tenzo. Turn it off,_ he said to himself, but it was fruitless. An overpowering mix of rage and guilt and anger and sadness tore through his chest, releasing one strangled cry.

Then Kakashi was at his side. His hand on his shoulder. Pulling Tenzo up by his elbow. Grabbing him by the chin and forcing him to look at him.

“I said, let’s go!” Kakashi said. “Whatever we already have is enough.” Kakashi pulled Tenzo out of the room by his arm, down the stairs, out of the house, and back into the woods from whence they came. Tenzo wasn’t even sure how his legs were moving - his brain seemed completely disconnected from the rest of his body. Were it not for the feeling of Kakashi’s hand on his elbow, he was actually concerned he had lost all feeling below the neck.

After a few minutes or hours or days or lifetimes - Tenzo wasn’t sure - Kakashi finally stopped running. Without releasing his kohai’s arm he turned around to face him, resting his free hand on the cheek of Tenzo’s porcelain mask.

“Tenzo, what happened?” he asked softly. There was no accusation in his voice. Tenzo looked up to meet his eyes - they stared back at Tenzo not with blame, but concern. The look made Tenzo realize how wildly emotional he was being - it was unbecoming of a Leaf ANBU. With a blink, he flipped his brain back into Shinobi mode.

“He was going to kill you,” Tenzo said simply. “I couldn’t allow that to happen.” Questions remained in Kakashi’s eyes but he didn’t voice them, for which Tenzo was grateful. Certainly he would have to explain eventually - about the kekkei genkai, the acid, the probable human experimentation - but that could all wait. Right now Tenzo needed to focus on escaping with Kakashi to keep him alive.

“We should keep moving until nightfall,” Kakashi said as if he could read Tenzo’s mind. Tenzo simply nodded, and the two ran off through the woods.

***

Three days later, Tenzo found himself walking back through the main gates of Konoha. He had managed to keep it together during their trip without having another emotional breakdown. Kakashi was respectful of his fragile mental state as he knew he would be - Kakashi was no stranger to being in a fragile mental state himself and knew that it would be best to wait until they arrived home to dredge up whatever was eating at Tenzo.

As soon as they walked through the doors of ANBU headquarters, Tenzo felt like a timer started in his mind. It was ticking down, down, down to a breakdown, and he had to get back to his apartment before it went off.

He quickly made his way to the locker room, ignoring the greetings of fellow ANBU members on the way, stripped off his clothes, and practically ran to the showers, turning the water as hot as it would go. As the hot water scalded his skin, he heard someone enter the showers.

“You’re going to give yourself third-degree burns, Tenz,” Kakashi said gently, turning down the temperature on Tenzo’s shower head. Tenzo angrily reached over and turned it back up. “Tenzo…”

“No, Kakashi,” he spat. “Let it burn me.” Kakashi ignored him and turned the water back down to a normal temperature. Tenzo glanced over and was struck suddenly by the difference a week could can make - a mere six days ago he was struck speechless by Kakashi’s clothed butt, now he was standing next to him completely naked, and Tenzo couldn’t be bothered to care. He chuckled dryly. The infatuation had disappeared quicker than he could’ve hoped. Kakashi closed his eyes to rinse his hair and Tenzo found himself chancing a glance down at his senpai’s nether regions before turning around in humiliation.

Okay, maybe the infatuation wasn’t completely gone.

But it didn’t matter. Missions like this one were exactly the reason Tenzo didn’t do relationships. He was like a lit fuse, ready to explode at any moment. And this particular moment was fast approaching.

He finished showering and returned to the locker room to dress. Just as he was leaving, Kakashi returned from the showers.

“Do you want to get dinner?” he asked.

“Maybe later senpai,” he said, pushing the door to the locker room open.

“Well, uh… will you help me with the mission report tonight then?” Kakashi asked. Tenzo rolled his eyes.

“Tomorrow, senpai,” he said. “Please. Just… tomorrow.” He left the locker room without turning around. He didn’t want to see whatever expression was on Kakashi’s face. He walked straight by the guard table without waving hello and started back to his apartment. He knew he didn’t have food at home, but decided he wasn’t really hungry anyway and if he got hungry later, food pills would be good enough.

It was already dark as he walked through the streets of Konoha to his apartment. When he arrived he made the key from his finger and pushed the door open, breathing in deeply the scent of dust and must that overtakes an apartment abandoned for a week. It was what he deserved - emptiness, abandonment, solitude. It was all he ever deserved.

He walked past the kitchen and living room and went straight to his bedroom, falling down on his back.

He had thought for a few years that he deserved more than this. More than isolation. He had thought he deserved friendship, love... Kakashi. But this mission was a reminder of what he was, what he’d always be - a weapon. An experiment conducted by a madman criminal. A disaster.

He closed his eyes and instantly regretted it. All he saw was the kid, the experiment, dead in the hideout. He had killed him, a child. He had again proven that he was exactly what Orochimaru had made him. He forced himself to keep his eyes shut. It was the least he could do in memory of the soul he’d snuffed out. The boy couldn’t suffer anymore, so he should suffer for him.

Eventually he fell into a restless sleep. His dreams were dark at first, a welcome change from the usual images of green bubbles and giant test tubes that filled his sleep. But the darkness quickly faded into the wooden walls of the hideout where his mission had just taken place. And he was in the office again, looking at stolen papers again, searching for data on his original captor again. He wasn’t surprised - he knew before he’d gone to sleep that this mission would haunt his dreams, and he’d accepted that. He let the dream take its course.

Dream Tenzo turned and saw the boy, right on schedule. He was in the doorway, facing away from Tenzo. He was waiting for Kakashi. He was going to kill him. Tenzo watched the boy take in deep breath, preparing to spray acid. He was just a boy, just a dream, but Tenzo still couldn’t let him kill Kakashi. He sent a spike through his back again, killing him again. The boy turned around… and Tenzo was terrified to see that it was not the boy from the house. It was him, ten years old, member of ROOT. It was Kinoe.

“Ten...zo…” Kinoe said. Tenzo stared in horror.

“No,” he said. “No…” Kinoe started falling forward, blood dripping from his mouth. Then suddenly he jerked up and shot wooden spikes directly at Tenzo.

“NO!”

Tenzo sat up and found himself waving his arms out in front of himself wildly. He was sweating and panting and it took him a moment to realize it had been a nightmare. He laid his head back down and tried to slow his breathing.

_Inhale, two, three, four… exhale, two, three, four…_

His heartbeat started to regulate. He chanced closing his eyes again but quickly ripped them back open as he saw only dead Kinoe. Dead Tenzo. Dead… him. The feeling of isolation that felt so warranted earlier now felt like a curse, an unfair burden that Tenzo wanted no part of. He wanted someone to comfort him - no, that wasn’t true. He wanted _Kakashi_ to comfort him.

 _Fuck it,_ he thought to himself, jumping out of bed and throwing his clothes on. _Crush be damned._

He left his apartment without so much as checking the time and found himself blindly walking the path to his senpai’s apartment. The late hour didn’t help at all with his overpowering feeling of solitude - the streets were empty, the windows dark. Before he knew it, he was standing outside Kakashi’s apartment and suddenly, this seemed like the worst idea he’d ever had. He stood on the doorstep, his fist hovering an inch away from knocking, and realized what an idiot he was. What was he doing here? What had he possibly hoped to gain by coming to Kakashi’s apartment? This was stupid, stupid, stupid.

The sound of the lock clicking made Tenzo jump. The door swung open and there was Kakashi, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

“Pakkun smelled you coming,” he said. “Come on.”

He turned back around and walked into his apartment with Tenzo trailing behind. He hovered briefly in the living room by the sofa before Kakashi caught his hand and dragged him into the bedroom.

“Bed,” he said. “Sleep.” Tenzo carefully walked over the sleeping dogs on the floor and climbed into Kakashi’s bed. His heart seized up as he realized Kakashi was doing the same.

 _It’s not weird, it’s not weird,_ he thought. _We’ve done this before. It’s not weird._

All feelings of anxiety and embarrassment and awkwardness started melting away as Kakashi put his arms around Tenzo and pulled him onto his chest. He was warm and comforting and he smelled good, and Tenzo felt his racing heart slow and his tight lungs return to normal. He let his head rest comfortably on Kakashi’s chest.

And then the timer went off.

And Tenzo found himself crying, sobbing into his senpai’s chest. A rational part of his brain had the decency to be embarrassed, but it was drowned out by the much larger part of his brain that just couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. That just couldn’t stop crying.

And Kakashi let him. He held Tenzo into his chest and didn’t say a word, didn’t ask a question, didn’t make a single sound as his kohai emptied his soul onto him. Tenzo wasn’t sure how it was possible that he had so many tears to cry, and he felt for a moment it would never stop.

But it did stop. The tears stopped flowing, but Kakashi’s grip never loosened on Tenzo’s back. He held him close and, for a while, Tenzo thought he had fallen asleep like that.

“What happened, Tenz?” he said finally, confirming that he was awake.

“I killed him,” Tenzo said. “He was me, and I killed him.”

Tenzo was aware that he made no sense, but he was grateful that Kakashi didn’t question him. Instead he pulled him even tighter and Tenzo suddenly realized how exhausted he was. As he drifted off to sleep to the comforting scent of his senpai, he knew one thing was desperately clear: this definitely wasn’t a crush.


	5. Chapter 5

“I need you, Tenzo.”

Kakashi said the words with absolutely sincerity, and Tenzo wished they were meant in a different context.

“I need you to come with me on this mission. Please,” Kakashi said. “Whatever your other thing is, cancel it. Free up your schedule.” Tenzo sighed.

“My ‘other thing’ is a different mission, senpai,” he said. “With Aoba. He specifically requested me.” 

“Because of your mokuton?” Kakashi guessed. Tenzo scrunched his face up in disapproval but didn’t deny it. “You know I would never use you for your mokuton,” Kakashi said. “I want you for you.” Tenzo groaned. Surely Kakashi heard the innuendo in his own words. Surely he realized how suggestive he was being.  _ Surely. _ This couldn’t just be Tenzo’s love-stupid brain hearing this.

“If you can find someone to replace me on Aoba’s mission and if you can talk Aoba into it, then I’ll go with you on your mission,” Tenzo said finally. Kakashi’s eyes crinkled in a hidden grin.

“Consider it done,” he said. “We ship out in two days. Now, if you’ll excuse me - “ he poked Tenzo on the tip of his nose with one finger, sending a furious blush across his whole face “ - I have to go find Aoba.” He spun around and left without another word, leaving Tenzo alone in the street. Sighing, he went into the restaurant he had been heading for when his senpai had dropped down from the roof above and ambushed him. 

“Here’s your order, sir,” the restaurant owner said, recognizing Tenzo immediately and handing him a paper bag filled with a to-go container. Tenzo wasn’t as proficient with cooking as Kakashi, and had become quite well known in the take-out circles of Konoha. Tenzo took the bag from the shop owner, thanked him, paid, and left. He made it back to his apartment without anymore surprise interruptions and sat down at the at his table to begin his lunch and his thoughts.

Of course he  _ wanted _ to go with Kakashi-senpai on his mission. He always wanted to be with Kakashi. In an absolutely pathetic, lovestruck sense. But he was also a man of his word, and he had already committed to a two-week long mission with Aoba. Besides, two weeks away from Kakashi might do him good. While he was now quite certain that his feelings were much more than a crush or infatuation, he still didn’t want to mess up their friendship or their team dynamic by trying to take things a step further. He had resigned himself to the fact that someone like Kakashi would never return his feelings, so there was no point in confessing his love and making things awkward. 

However, the logic of that decision hadn’t stopped Tenzo from daydreaming constantly about the relationship he would never have. Every minute he spent with Kakashi was filled with dreamy thoughts of requited love and romantic kisses, and it was becoming quite a distraction. Maybe it would actually be really good to clear his mind of the beautiful face of the man of his dreams by spending a two-week mission away from him. Yep, that’s what Tenzo needed to clear his mind. A break from Kakashi.

“Yo.” 

Tenzo turned to see Kakashi squatting in his window and had to stifle a groan. Apparently he wouldn’t be getting a break from his senpai anytime soon. He quickly realized Kakashi wasn’t alone.

“Tenzo, what the hell, man.” 

Aoba was sitting on the sill with him, glaring daggers at Tenzo from behind his glasses. 

“Kakashi-senpai, Aoba-san,” he said. “I take it you’ve heard the situation.” Kakashi and Aoba jumped off the window sill and sat around Tenzo’s table.

“Yeah, you want to bail on our mission?” Aoba said. Tenzo sighed.

“Well that’s not at all the situation,” he said. “Senpai?” Kakashi reached over and grabbed some of Tenzo’s food, pulling his mask down and taking a bite in one fluid, practiced motion.

“That’s exactly the situation, as I understand it,” he said, still chewing. Tenzo groaned.

“Senpai, stop it. I told you I wouldn’t go on your mission with you unless you found an alternate to replace me,” he said. Kakashi shrugged.

“That sounds like a problem for the squad leader,” he said. “In this case, Aoba.” Aoba scoffed.

“That’s not how this is going to work,” he said. “I got Tenzo first.” 

“Hmm, but Tenzo is on my team,” Kakashi said. “So I always have top dibs on him.” 

“Guys, I’m right here,” Tenzo said. Aoba sighed.

“If you can find me another qualified replacement for my mission, then and only then can you have Tenzo,” he said to Kakashi, ignoring Tenzo’s comment. 

“I’m not an object!” Tenzo protested.

“Deal,” Kakashi said, reaching out and shaking Aoba’s hand to mark the decision. “Tenzo, find someone to replace you on the mission with Aoba. You’re coming with me.” Tenzo scoffed and threw his hands up in frustration.

“How did I get saddled with this task?!” he said. “I told you to do that half an hour ago!” Aoba and Kakashi stood up. 

“See you, Tenzo,” Aoba said, hopping out the window. 

“Bye, Tenz,” Kakashi said, starting to follow Aoba out the window. Tenzo jumped up and grabbed him by the arm, preventing him from leaving.

“Kakashi, wait,” he spat. “Wait. You are not dumping this on me. If you want me on this mission, you have to find someone to replace me. Cause I’m not doing it, and then I’ll end up having to go with Aoba. Is that what you want?” Kakashi lowered his eye at him.

“I’m not sure I like bossy Tenzo,” he said. Tenzo shrugged.

“Deal with it.” They stared at each other in silence, waiting for the other to give up first. Finally, Kakashi sighed.

“Fine,” he said. “Have it your way.” Tenzo smirked and released Kakashi’s arm from his grasp. 

“Good luck, senpai,” he said. Kakashi grabbed another bite of Tenzo’s food before leaping back out the window. 

***

Kakashi found some poor sap in ANBU to take Tenzo’s place on Aoba’s mission. It turned out to not be too difficult for him, as the vast majority of ANBU members were terrified of Kakashi’s harsh reputation. So with a simple pointed request that felt more like an order, Aoba had his pick of several Shinobi.

Tenzo couldn’t deny that he felt nearly giddy at the prospect of spending the entire next week with Kakashi instead of Aoba. Yes, it probably would be better for Tenzo to have some away time from Kakashi. But that didn’t mean he  _ wanted _ away time from Kakashi. What he really wanted was to spend  _ more _ time with Kakashi, with his arms around him, his lips pressed against his… 

In lieu of arm wrapping and lip pressing, though, Tenzo was willing to settle for a mission with Kakashi.

Tenzo showed up to the meeting spot on time the morning of the mission and had to wait almost an hour before Kakashi showed up. He made himself a chair and sat down, allowing himself the opportunity to slip back into his romantic reveries before he had to turn them all off for their mission. Finally, a spot of white hair caught Tenzo’s eye as Kakashi approached and he scrambled to stand up, putting on a harsh expression and crossing his arms over his chest to convey his irritation.

“You’re late,” he said when Kakashi finally came strolling up to him with a book in one hand. 

“Maa, is this not the time we said we’d meet?” Kakashi said with false innocence. Tenzo checked his watch.

“9:47? No, we didn’t decide to meet at 9:47,” he said. Kakashi looked at Tenzo with a twinkle in is eye.

“9:47? Well, I don’t know what you’re all mad about,” he said. “I’m 13 minutes early.” Tenzo sighed and shook his head.

“You’re hopeless, senpai,” he said. Kakashi chuckled and started off for their mission, with Tenzo following closely behind. 

“So, you never actually told me the details about this mission,” Tenzo said after they’d been running for a while. Kakashi hummed.

“Good point,” he said. “It’s pretty simple. It’s actually just an intelligence gathering mission in Tanigakure. We’re trying to learn more about some criminal organization that may or may not be a threat to the Leaf. We’ll bring the intel home, and then they’ll decide later if they want us to execute on another mission.” Tenzo shook his head as he realized how simple of a mission this was.

“Senpai, why did you need me for this mission?” he said. “Why did you pull me off Aoba’s mission?” Kakashi chuckled.

“Are you disappointed?” he said. 

“Well, no…” Tenzo admitted. 

“Then leave it at that,” Kakashi said. Tenzo sighed but didn’t say anything else. Whatever Kakashi’s reasons were, Tenzo certainly couldn’t deny that he was happy to be on this mission. 

They ran straight through the day until Kakashi decided they had found a place suitable to camp for the night. After determining that they were indeed alone, Tenzo produced a decent-sized cabin for them to sleep in. 

“Nice work, Tenzo,” Kakashi said, dropping his stuff on the floor of the hut. Tenzo tried to tell himself it was just a simple compliment from his superior for a job well done and that it meant nothing, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling pure glee at his senpai’s words. They set up their sleeping mats on the floor next to one another and settled in for the night. 

The next day went almost exactly as the first, running towards their destination without incident. On the evening of the second day they finally found themselves outside the criminal hideout. Crouching in the trees, Tenzo and Kakashi settled in for a night full of spying. 

It was pretty uneventful, and Tenzo was quickly bored with the mission. It had been a while since he’d been on a spying mission, and he was used to missions that were much more active. There was really no reason that Kakashi should’ve dragged him off of Aoba’s mission for this. Literally anyone could do this mission. Tenzo wracked his mind for reasons why Kakashi would be so insistent that he be the one for this mission - perhaps he knew Tenzo was hopelessly in love with him and was hellbent on making his life as miserable as possible. Or perhaps he was worried this would turn dangerous and he’d need Tenzo’s defensive skills.  _ Or… _ perhaps he too had a hopeless crush on Tenzo and just wanted to spend time with him. 

No, that couldn’t be it. That was silly. It was probably that he wanted Tenzo’s defensive skills. Or just that he was a terrible misanthrope and couldn’t stand the idea of spending a week with anyone other than his reliable little kohai. Something like that. 

The sound of a kunai whizzing by distracted Tenzo from his thoughts and forced him back to the mission. He picked up his arm to defend himself from the oncoming weapon but it was a moment too late, and the kunai tore into Kakashi’s arm beside him. Tenzo swallowed the panicked cry that tried to make its way out of his throat as he realized Kakashi had been injured. He felt his brain buzzing with horror at the knowledge that he had failed in his duty to protect his senpai, and he closed his eyes for a second to clear his mind of the distracting panic. 

_ Get it together, Tenzo,  _ he thought to himself.  _ Kakashi’s hurt and he needs your help. _

He opened his eyes and began quickly administering first aid to his senpai’s wound. 

“Tenzo, go after him,” Kakashi hissed, trying to push Tenzo’s hands away from his wound. “I’ll take care of myself.” 

“No, senpai,” he said firmly. “I’ll go after him after I treat your wound.” 

“Tenzo,” Kakashi growled, but he cut him off.

“No.” Tenzo wasn’t trained in any medical practices other than basic field first aid. The kunai had torn through Kakashi’s upper arm at a downward angle, ripping about a four inch gash open. It was bleeding profusely but seemed to have missed any major arteries, and Tenzo decided the main concern was infection. He patched it up to at least stop the bleeding, but it certainly wasn’t a job well done and was threatening to rip back open at any moment.

“Tenzo, go!” Kakashi said as soon as the patch was complete. 

Tenzo rested his hand gently on the side of his senpai’s neck and stared into his mismatched eyes, hoping to wordlessly convey everything he felt in case he died pursuing the attacker. Kakashi lifted his uninjured arm and gently placed his hand over top of Tenzo’s, meeting his gaze. After a moment Tenzo leapt away, towards the direction from which the kunai had come. 

He leapt blindly through the darkness from tree to tree, trying and failing to sense for the attacker. The only chakra signature he sensed was from Kakashi behind him. Perhaps he had waited too long and the attacker had gotten away. Or perhaps the attacker had purposefully drawn him away so he could circle back and attack Kakashi in his injured state - after all, it was certainly suspicious that the attacker had thrown only one kunai and then vanished without further conflict. Tenzo and Kakashi hadn’t even defended themselves from the attack. There was no reason for the attacker to stop other than to trick Tenzo into leaving. 

Tenzo stopped so short that the branch he landed on almost broke under the pressure. He turned with a start and ran back towards Kakashi, his heart pounding in his ears. How could he be so  _ stupid _ to leave Kakashi alone, injured, unable to fight back at full capacity. How could he have abandoned him, his best friend, the man he loved.

As he ran he sensed Kakashi’s chakra signature exactly where he left it, and he landed on the branch next to him to find him uninjured beyond the wound he had already patched.

“Did you get him?” Kakashi asked. Tenzo shook his head.

“No, I didn’t sense anyone,” he said. “I came back cause I was worried about you. I was worried he was coming for you. It felt like a trap.” Kakashi scoffed.

“Dammit, Tenzo!” he spat. “This is why I told you to leave me behind! You should’ve left me behind and pursued the suspect immediately.”

“No, senpai,” Tenzo said. “I’ll never leave you behind.”

“Tenzo, you let him get away and now - “

“No, senpai,” he repeated, much more harshly. “No.” Kakashi growled.

“Now I  _ definitely _ don’t like bossy Tenzo,” he muttered, but Tenzo was sure there was a hint of amusement in his tone.  

“Come on, let’s go,” Tenzo said, fighting back a smile. “My medical skills aren’t the best, we need to get you back home for some actual treatment.” 

“Maa, I’m fine,” Kakashi said, all anger clearly having worn off. Tenzo helped him up, and the two of them started back towards Konoha. 

Their pace was much slower than it had been before due to Kakashi’s injury, and they had to stop a couple times for Tenzo to repatch it along the way when it started bleeding. By the time they finally stopped for the night, Tenzo was exhausted from the running and the fighting and the stress and the use of chakra on Kakashi’s wound. But he gathered up enough energy to produce a small shelter, knowing he needed to keep his senpai safe while he slept. 

“Don’t overdo it, Tenz,” Kakashi said, noticing Tenzo’s exhaustion after making the house. “We still have quite a while until we’re home.” 

“I’m fine senpai,” he said, struggling to catch his breath. “How’s your arm?” Kakashi gave a noncommittal shrug, and Tenzo inspected the wound. It didn’t look infected, but it didn’t look good either. 

“I didn’t do a very good job patching it up,” Tenzo said meekly. 

“You did fine,” Kakashi said, patting Tenzo on the head. “It’s perfect. Come on, let’s get ready for bed.” Tenzo nodded.

“Yes, senpai,” he said. They laid their sleeping mats out next to each other, took off their ANBU masks and armor, and laid down to go to sleep. 

Tenzo closed his eyes and sighed, feeling the weight of stress slowly easing out of his shoulders. Whatever his reasons had been, Tenzo was beyond glad Kakashi had forced him on this mission. He needed him there, he needed Tenzo to keep him safe. Even on a stupid boring mission like this. And despite the arm wound Kakashi received and the fact that the assailant got away, Tenzo felt secure in the fact that he had done what was necessary to keep Kakashi alive. 

“Oi, Tenzo.” Tenzo cracked his eyes open and glanced over at Kakashi. “You awake?” 

“Mmmhmm,” Tenzo hummed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…” Kakashi started. “Did you mean it? What you said?”

“When?” Tenzo asked.

“Before,” Kakashi said. “You said you’d never leave me behind.” Tenzo exhaled sharply. 

“Yes,” he said. “I meant it.” Kakashi rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

“You know, that’s not exactly the ANBU way,” Kakashi said. “If something happens to me, it’s your duty to finish the mission, even if it means leaving me behind.” Tenzo felt his face get hot from a mixture of embarrassment and anger. Of course Kakashi would go into squad leader mode now, of all times. 

“I don’t care,” Tenzo said after a moment. Kakashi whipped his head around to look at him. “I don’t care if it’s the ANBU way or not. I’ll never leave you behind. Never.” 

“I won’t ever leave you either,” Kakashi said quietly. Tenzo rolled over away from Kakashi to hide the foolish grin that was taking over his face. 

“Goodnight, senpai.” Tenzo closed his eyes and felt himself falling into a peaceful sleep next to his senpai. The guilt and panic from allowing Kakashi to get hurt was starting to wear off as Tenzo realized that Kakashi was going to be okay. It was comforting to know that he was safe, he was alive, he was just… there. Those were the thoughts drifting through his half asleep brain when the first kunai came through the window. Tenzo’s eyes shot open - a paper bomb was attached. 

“Kakashi!” Tenzo cried out, forming the hand seals for a wooden dome. It worked to shield them from the majority of the blast.

“Fuck!” Kakashi said. “This mission is cursed!” He jumped up and grabbed a kunai, holding it at the ready. “Okay, one my word, drop the dome. We’ll attack simultaneously.” Tenzo nodded. “Three...two...now!” 

Tenzo dropped the dome and immediately rushed forward into the unknown. He had no clue who was attacking them - he could only assume it was the same assailant from earlier - and he sensed three enemy chakra signatures. Quickly, he weaved a sign and sent a wave of branches towards one of them, catching the enemy in his grasp and trapping him. Tenzo wiped the sweat out of his eyes and looked around. Kakashi had a second enemy and was pretty successful at taking him down despite his arm wound. Tenzo looked around - where had the third guy gone? 

Before he could so much as think about locating him, a kunai flew from the treeline towards Tenzo. No, not Tenzo. Kakashi. It was heading right for his back, it was going to hit. Tenzo’s chakra was almost drained and there was no time for wood walls or kunai deflections anyway. There was no time for anything. But he couldn’t let Kakashi die. He had let him get injured earlier and that was bad enough. He couldn’t let him die.

Tenzo leapt into the path of the kunai. A white, hot pain ripped through his abdomen but it didn’t bother him. It didn’t hurt. It felt fine. It felt like Kakashi was safe. 

A visceral roar of pure rage cut through the night. Briefly, Tenzo wondered if it was thunder. He opened his eyes to try to identify it - it was Kakashi. He was crying out in a way that was quite unbecoming of an ANBU squad captain, if Tenzo was being honest.

The sound of birds chirping filled the air, and Tenzo gathered that the third assailant had been eliminated. His eyes weren’t focused enough see that for sure though. But he felt confident that Kakashi was still alive. 

“Tenzo, Tenzo!” Kakashi was kneeling over him. “God dammit, Tenzo. Can you hear me?” Tenzo opened his eyes.

“Senpai, I’m fine,” he said. The force of talking made him cough a disgusting wet cough. Vaguely, he wondered if it was blood he was coughing. Probably. That would make sense, based on where the kunai had lodged itself in Tenzo’s gut. 

“Tenzo, stay with me, please,” Kakashi said. He sounded almost desperate. Tenzo smiled.

“Are you worried about me, senpai?” Tenzo meant to say those words, but he wasn’t sure if they were coming outloud or in his mind. Kakashi’s hands were on him, inspecting his wound, touching his face, in his hair. If this was the result of getting stabbed, maybe Tenzo would have to try it more often. 

“I’m going to get you back home, Tenz,” Kakashi said decisively. “You’re going to be okay.” 

Tenzo heard Kakashi talking in a hushed voice and then someone else replied - was that Pakkun talking? - but none of the words made any sense to Tenzo. And then Tenzo was certain he was flying. It was white, everything was white. And Kakashi could fly. After all these years, Tenzo never knew he could fly. 

“Tenzo, stay with me.” Kakashi’s voice broke the illusion. There was no white light. They weren’t flying. Kakashi was carrying him all the way back to Konoha.

“Senpai…” He had intended to say much more, but he forgot what it was. He forgot pretty much everything. Where was he? Kakashi was holding him. That was nice. Maybe he was in heaven, if such a place existed. That would explain why Kakashi’s arms were around him, why his face was so close to his chest. 

“Tenzo, please…” Kakashi’s voice sounded thin, stretched. He sounded so worried, so heartbroken. Had Tenzo done that? Had he broken Kakashi’s heart? What a stupid, stupid thing to do. Why would he do that? 

Someone was shouting, then. Not Kakashi, further away. The noise was getting closer. Someone was running over to them, he assumed. An enemy? Kakashi couldn’t fight back, not if he was carrying Tenzo.

“Just leave me behind, senpai,” Tenzo breathed. And Kakashi seemed to comply. His grip on Tenzo loosened, and Tenzo was falling, falling, falling... but rather than landing on the ground Tenzo found himself on a soft surface. A gurney? A bed? Kakashi’s grip was back, but on his hand. 

“You’re going to be okay, Tenzo,” he said. “I promise.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, suicide attempt, just all around depressing things
> 
> This chapter was inspired by [this ](http://intheendlessbluewine.tumblr.com/post/172641102674/had-to-get-this-one-out-of-the-brain)piece by the amazingly talented InTheEndlessBlueWine

Tenzo’s alarm was going off. It was so fucking early, and his alarm was already waking him up. He was so exhausted. He reached over to turn off his alarm, but his hand hit something cold and metallic instead.

_ What the… _

Someone’s hand suddenly gripped his, stopping him from turning off that damn alarm. He opened his eyes to see Kakashi sitting next to his bedside, holding his hand and looking down at him with eyes that revealed pain and regret. Tenzo wasn’t sure why Kakashi looked so hurt. 

“Senpai.”

Tenzo looked around. He was in the hospital. There was no alarm, it was a heart monitor that was beeping. Of course… the mission. Tenzo’s memories came rushing back to hm - Kakashi getting wounded, Tenzo letting the assailant escape, the two of them getting ambushed in the night, Tenzo throwing himself in front of a kunai for Kakashi… everything after that was a haze. 

“Senpai…” Tenzo said again. Kakashi gently brushed a lock of Tenzo’s hair out of his face, the touch sending a shiver down Tenzo’s spine. 

“Don’t worry about the mission,” Kakashi said, reading Tenzo’s thoughts through his tone. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” Tenzo groaned.

“Was it that bad?” he said. Kakashi breathed slowly and Tenzo felt his hand begin to tremble. 

“You were… bleeding a lot,” Kakashi admitted. “But you’re fine now. You’re going to be fine. You heal fast.” Tenzo sighed.

“How are you?” he asked. “Your arm was injured.” Kakashi exhaled sharply.

“Are you seriously worrying about the scratch on my arm right now?” he said, his voice much less gentle than before, making Tenzo wince back in surprise. “Tenzo, what were you thinking jumping in front of a kunai? You could’ve died. You almost died. I almost… why would you do that?”

“The kunai… it was going to hit you…” Tenzo tried to explain, confused by Kakashi’s harsh tone.

“Then you should’ve let it!” Kakashi exclaimed, ripping his hand away from Tenzo’s. “God, Tenzo, you can’t kill yourself for me!” Tenzo didn’t understand. Why was Kakashi saying these things? He had saved his life, for fuck’s sake, and this was how he repays him? By yelling?

“You would’ve done the same for me, senpai,” he said. Kakashi rolled his eyes.

“That’s different,” he said. Tenzo scoffed.

“How!? How is it different, Kakashi?” he spat, ignoring the stinging in the gut from the exertion. Kakashi pursed his lips in annoyance.

“Because, I’m your squad leader and I…”  

“No, don’t give me that ANBU bullshit!” Tenzo finally snapped. “I saved your life! I did what I had to do. I don’t understand why you’re so upset about me saving you!”

“Because you almost died, Tenzo!” Kakashi thundered, standing up. “Fuck! I can’t lose you!” Tenzo gaped at his senpai, lost for words. Kakashi ran his fingers through his silver hair and sat back down, laying his head down on the bed. “I can’t… lose you,” he said softer, taking Tenzo’s hand in his own again. “You’re all I have left. You promised me you’d never leave me behind, and dying is leaving me. Everyone else I care about has left me, Tenzo. I can’t let you leave me too.” Tenzo scoffed.

“And what about me?” he practically whispered. “You think I can live without you? You’re the only thing I have, you’re the only thing I’ve ever had. You’re everything… to me.” Kakashi’s head shot up and he stared at Tenzo with unreadable expression. Tenzo stared at him, terrified of what he’d say. He felt like he’d made a confession, even though he hadn’t really said anything. He felt like he said too much.

“Tenzo,” Kakashi said. “You’re wrong. I’m nothing. I’m worse than scum.” He stood up to leave.

“Kakashi, wait - “ 

Tenzo’s protests were cut short by the door swinging open and Hiruzen entering the hospital room. He tried to sit up as straight as possible, but the position made his wound uncomfortable and he slumped back down, clutching at his stomach.

“Please, please,” Hiruzen said. “Don’t hurt yourself for me, Tenzo. I’m glad to see you’re resting. And Kakashi - I’m glad to see you’re here as well. I thought I might find you here.” 

“I was just leaving, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi muttered, bowing slightly. 

“Could I trouble you to stay a little longer?” Hiruzen asked. “I came here to speak with you both.”

“Of course, Hokage-sama,” he said, but Tenzo was sure he saw a flash of annoyance in his eyes. Hiruzen either didn’t notice or chose to ignore it, because he smiled and gestured for Kakashi to sit down. He did so awkwardly, folding his hands on his lap and looking very tense. 

“This mission seems to have been somewhat of a disaster,” Hiruzen started. Tenzo’s mouth fell open for a second - he had never heard the Hokage be so blunt and harsh. He shot a glance at Kakashi - he didn’t look surprised at all. Tenzo wondered if this was how most of Kakashi’s mission debriefs went. Maybe he had been sheltering the rest of the team from this type of attitude for a while. “Explain what went wrong.”

“Yes, sir,” Kakashi said tersely. “We arrived at the target hideout as scheduled at approximately 20:00 hours. At approximately 02:45 - seven hours into the stakeout - we were targeted by a single kunai, which injured my right arm. After healing the wound, Cat pursued the attacker but was unable to locate him. He returned to my location and I made the decision to end the mission early to return to Konoha and treat my wound.” 

Tenzo’s head shot up. When Kakashi put it that way, it sounded like they had done something wrong. Not to mention, it had been Tenzo’s decision to head back to Konoha, not Kakashi’s. Before he could interrupt, though, Kakashi continued with the debrief. 

“We continued on foot for approximately 11 hours until the following evening. There was concern my wound would become infected, so Cat and I decided to camp for the night. Thirty minutes later, an unknown assailant sent a kunai with an attached paper bomb into our campsite. Cat used a wooden dome to protect us before we attacked. There were three assailants. Cat and I immediately took out two of them, but the third attacked us with a kunai, which injured Cat. I eliminated the final assailant and made the decision to bring Cat back home at that time in order to seek medical attention.” Hiruzen hummed.

“Did you bring back any information from the three attackers?” he asked. 

“No, sir,” Kakashi said.

“Did you dispose of their bodies before leaving?” 

“No, sir.”

“Did you ensure the area was clear of additional attackers or spies before leaving?”

“No, sir.” Hiruzen paused and stroked his beard thoughtfully. Tenzo felt his heart thumping wildly - why was Hiruzen interrogating them like criminals? 

“I appreciate the fact that you and Tenzo have been assigned to the same team for several years now and are very close,” he said finally. “However, you are both assigned to ANBU and as such, there are rules you must follow. Rules which you both chose to abandon during this particular mission for the sake of each other’s safety. Sacrifices must be made at times during ANBU missions for the sake of the greater good. Without any information on your attackers, we have no intelligence on their motives. They could have been simple thieves, or perhaps they were seeking information on Konoha, or... perhaps they were after you, Kakashi. You’re no stranger to bounty hunters.” Kakashi’s head shot up.

“You think Tenzo got hurt because of me?” he said, in a tone that was uncharacteristically forward for his conversations with the Hokage. Hiruzen raised one eyebrow slightly.

“Perhaps,” he said. “But we cannot know for sure, since you did not follow protocol.” Tenzo could hardly believe his ears. Was the hokage seriously punishing them for staying alive? Tenzo was starting to think Hiruzen was more like Danzo than he let on.

“Hokage-sama, if I may - “ Tenzo began.

“You may not,” Hiruzen said. Tenzo snapped his mouth shut. “You are both on medical leave until further notice. Use that time to consider the actions you took on this mission and how they have affected Konoha.” Without waiting for a response, he turned and left the room. Tenzo looked over at Kakashi, who had his face in his hands.

“Kakashi, I don’t think that - “ he started.

“You don’t think what, Tenzo?” Kakashi said. “You don’t think I’m fit to be your squad captain?” Tenzo shook his head in surprise.

“What? No. Kakashi, you know that’s not true,” he said. 

“It is,” Kakashi said softer. “If you got hurt because of me, I…” he shook his head and stood up. “Goodbye, Tenzo.” Without another word Kakashi turned and left the room.

***

Tenzo was released from the hospital later that day, much to his surprise. The doctors made him promise he’d rest at home, which he felt would be a very easy promise to keep. 

He had expected Kakashi to come back and be there for his release, to offer to take care of him, but he was nowhere to be found after their argument. Normally Kakashi insisted on nursing Tenzo back to health from something as simple as a head cold, so it was odd that he was ignoring a gaping stab wound in Tenzo’s gut. And, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Tenzo had been hoping Kakashi would take care of him because, well, he just wanted to spend time with him. 

Tenzo sighed as he trudged slowly back to his apartment with a heavy heart. He didn’t like arguing with Kakashi and he hadn’t meant to yell at him. But he had been so taken aback by his accusation… of  _ course _ Tenzo was going to take a kunai for Kakashi. He would do anything for him, for his safety. He’d do anything to keep him alive. But after the lecture they’d received from the Hokage, Tenzo couldn’t help but feel like he’d done something wrong.

Tenzo stood in the living room of his apartment for a second, contemplating cleaning or cooking before deciding to take the doctor’s words to heart and just go to sleep. As he laid down on his bed, he was sure he’d never felt something so comfortable in all his life, and it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. 

Tenzo’s sleep was absent of the nightmares that plagued him on a nightly basis - there were no test tubes or vials or bubbling green liquid. The faces of those he’d killed in the line of duty didn’t show up to haunt him that night as they often did. But the darkness of his mind was unsettling still; the heavy weight of a nameless worry pulled on his consciousness, preventing him from sleeping too deeply. 

A noise broke through Tenzo’s troubled sleep.

_ Scratch scratch scratch _

The noise was faint, but it woke Tenzo out of his light sleep. He couldn’t quite identify it, but the anxiety radiating in his chest made him think it wasn’t good, whatever it was.

_ Scratch scratch _

Was someone… scratching on Tenzo’s door? Tenzo got up and walked to the front door, the sound of scratching getting louder with each step. Cautiously, he leaned his head against the door to hear for an enemy. When he heard only silence, he slowly pulled the door open, kunai at the ready in one hand. He was confused to find no one there. 

“Tenzo!” Tenzo jumped in surprise and looked down to find Pakkun yelling at him. Of course, it was Pakkun scratching at the door. Tenzo lowered his kunai.

“Pakkun, what is it?” he asked. 

“Come with me, quick!” The dog turned and ran away. Tenzo felt terror grip his heart as he followed blindly after the dog. Something must have happened to Kakashi. Someone attacked him, maybe? Maybe a really bad night terror. No, why would Pakkun have gotten Tenzo for either of those things? What could it be?!

The run to Kakashi’s apartment felt like it took five times longer than usual as his brain produced every horrible option that could’ve befallen his friend. When he finally arrived he used his finger to create a key and unlock the door. He stepped inside - Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. The only thing out of the ordinary was the open window, which Tenzo assumed must have been Pakkun’s doing. 

“In here,” Pakkun commanded. Tenzo ran after the dog through the living room, past the bedroom, to the bathroom. The door was shut but a faint light creeped through the crack by the floor, illuminating the worry on Pakkun’s face. Tentatively, Tenzo cracked the door open and peeked inside.

“God, Kakashi!” Tenzo yelled, falling to his knees. Kakashi was there, on the floor. There was blood… he had tried to kill himself. A kunai on the floor must have been the tool, and the wounds on his wrists were the result. He checked Kakashi’s pulse - weak, but steady. He was alive. Tenzo checked his wrists - the wounds were pretty bad. Kakashi clearly hadn’t been kidding around with his intentions. Tenzo’s brain seemed incapable of producing any thought that wasn’t a high pitched screaming noise. Kakashi was hurt. Kakashi was dying. Tenzo needed to save Kakashi.

“Okay senpai, I’m going to save you,” Tenzo said. He opened the bathroom cabinet and found Kakashi’s first aid kit. He gently wrapped up Kakashi’s wrists. “You’re going to be okay.” Tenzo pulled Kakashi up on his shoulder. Kakashi’s eyes fluttered.

“Tenzo, no,” he said weakly. “Don’t…” 

“Senpai, shut up,” Tenzo said. “I promised you I’d never leave you behind, didn’t I? So stop arguing. I’m taking you to the hospital, and I’m saving your life.” 

“You’re so… bossy…” Kakashi breathed. 

Tenzo pulled Kakashi out of the apartment. It was quite a struggle, seeing as how Tenzo was recovering from his own pretty serious wound. But he was determined. He couldn’t let Kakashi die. Not now. 

Luckily Tenzo didn’t have to go too far before he found help in the form of a familiar green jumpsuit-clad ninja jogging around town in the middle of the night.

“Gai!” he called. “Gai, help me!” Gai jogged over.

“Ah, Kakashi’s youthful friend!” he said, clearly having forgotten Tenzo’s name. “Are you also performing a late night challenge - “

“Gai, I need to get Kakashi to the hospital,” he said. “Please, I can’t…” Gai didn’t need any more convincing. He took Kakashi from Tenzo’s arm and was off, towards the hospital, leaving Tenzo to fall to the ground. His wound had opened back up, but it was fine. He could feel blood seeping into his shirt as the world faded to black around him, but he didn’t mind.

It was all okay, as long as Kakashi was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really heavy but I will let you know, it's all up from here. This is the low point of the story.  
> Also, if you can't tell, I hate Hiruzen with a passion.


	7. Chapter 7

Tenzo wasn’t sure how he got there but he found himself back in the hospital, in a bed, his wound patched up fresh. His memory was hazy at first, but the feeling of panic rushed back as he remembered the events of the previous night. His heart was pounding in his ears. Where was Kakashi? Had Gai made it in time to save him?

Tenzo looked over to see Kakashi in the neighboring bed, wrists bandaged up, clearly alive based on the way he was staring at Tenzo with both eyes. Tenzo felt like he released ten years worth of pent up breath at the sight of his friend alive. It was a little disconcerting to see the sharingan staring at him until some deeply buried memory surfaced enough to remind Tenzo that Kakashi was likely using his visual powers to make sure Tenzo was still breathing.

“Senpai,” Tenzo sighed. “You’re alive.” Rather than responding, Kakashi just rolled his head over to look at the ceiling. It was fine, whatever. He didn’t have to talk to Tenzo. He just had to be alive. 

Tenzo let out a deep sigh. What could have pushed Kakashi over the edge? Was it Hiruzen’s lecture? Was it their argument? Maybe he’d never know. He knew better than to push Kakashi to talk about his feelings.

“Tenzo, I’m sorry.” Tenzo shot his head around to look at his senpai. He was still staring at the ceiling. 

“It’s okay,” Tenzo said. “You’re okay.” 

“Are you?” Kakashi asked, finally glancing over with his good eye. Tenzo shrugged. His wound was patched, but was he really okay? It didn’t matter, really. 

“They patched up my wound,” Tenzo said simply. Kakashi exhaled sharply.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. 

“What do you want me to say, senpai?!” Tenzo spat, then immediately felt guilty for his tone. Obviously Kakashi was in a fragile state right now, and he didn’t deserve to be snapped at. “I’m sorry…” 

If Tenzo had listed out the next hundred things he expected Kakashi to do, getting out of his hospital bed and climbing into Tenzo’s wouldn’t have made that list. But that’s exactly what he did. And as he snuggled up next to Tenzo, laying his head on his kohai’s chest, Tenzo felt certain that everything would eventually be okay.

“I’m sorry, Tenz. I’m so sorry I hurt you,” he whispered. Tenzo stroked his silver hair gently, not wanting to speak for fear of ruining Kakashi’s rare spell of openness. “I allowed you to get injured on the mission. It was all my fault, and then you said you did it to protect me. And when the Sandaime said that the attackers may have been bounty hunters after me, I just lost my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking that it was my fault you almost died. It’s always my fault - every time someone I care about dies, it’s my fault. I couldn’t let you be next.”

“How would killing yourself fix that problem?” Tenzo asked softly. Kakashi sighed.

“It made sense at the time,” he said. “I figured if I wasn’t around to care about you, you wouldn’t get hurt. If my life puts yours at risk, I don’t deserve to live.”

“Yes you do,” Tenzo said, wrapping his arms tighter around his senpai. “Stop that.” Kakashi sighed.

“Why?” he asked. He sounded so serious, so genuine. As if he truly didn’t understand why he deserved to live.

“Because you’re a good person,” Tenzo said. “And because... I need you.” Kakashi picked his head up off of Tenzo’s chest and looked into his eyes, resting his hand on the side of Tenzo’s face.

“I need you too,” he said. Tenzo was too captivated by Kakashi’s gaze to feel embarrassment at the sound of the heart monitor beeping faster and faster. He felt himself trembling slightly at the touch of Kakashi’s fingers on his jaw, his thumb on his cheek. The sensation was absolutely electrifying.

_ Zap _

Tenzo yelped as the touch became too electrifying and a small blue arc jolted from Kakashi’s hand to Tenzo’s face.

“Ah, sorry!” Kakashi said, ripping his hand away. “Damn lightning chakra.” Tenzo couldn’t help but laugh at the expression of humiliation on Kakashi’s face, the force of which caused his stab wound to hurt.

“Ooohhh don’t make me laugh,” he said, still chuckling and clutching his stomach. Kakashi chuckled and laid his head back down on Tenzo.

“I really am sorry, Tenzo,” he said. Tenzo chuckled.

“For making me laugh?” he asked. 

“No, for everything else,” Kakashi said, sighing. “Can we go back to the way it was before? Before I screwed everything up like I always do?” Tenzo sighed and wrapped his arms around Kakashi. He closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of Kakashi’s lavender soap mixed with the smell of dog, and for a moment, he forgot that he was pining after a man he could never have. He forgot that they had been punished by the Hokage for not dying. He forgot that Kakashi had had a mental breakdown and tried to kill himself. All he knew was the way he felt.

“Everything still is the way it was before,” Tenzo whispered. “You didn’t screw anything up. I’m still in love with you.” 

As soon as he said the words, Tenzo realized his mistake. Kakashi jolted his head up off of Tenzo’s chest and stared down at Tenzo with his good eye blown wide open in surprise. Tenzo stared back at him with an expression of horror at his own flub, his jaw opening and closing slightly as he desperately tried to think of a way to backpedal.

“I mean… I just meant that… not that I  _ don’t _ \- as like, a friend,” he stammered wildly. Before he could figure out how to form a full thought, the door to their hospital room opened and a nurse entered.

“What in the world is going on here?” she exclaimed. Kakashi and Tenzo both jumped at the noise, and Kakashi scrambled to get out of Tenzo’s bed and back into his own. “No more of that. You need to stay in your own beds and heal.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Tenzo said weakly. The nurse checked his and Kakashi’s bandages and charts before leaving the room. The two lay in awkward silence for a moment as Tenzo silently berated himself for his earlier slip of the tongue.

“So what happened?” Tenzo asked finally, desperately hoping to successfully change the subject and make his senpai forget about his earlier faux pas. “I mean, how did I get here?”

“You don’t remember?” Kakashi asked, glancing over at him. Tenzo shook his head. “Gai brought you here. He only got about 100 yards down the road before he realized you weren’t following. He went back for you and carried us both all the way here.” Tenzo whistled.

“Wow,” he said. “Guess it’s lucky for us that Gai works out all the time.” Kakashi snorted. 

“Yeah, who knew those challenges would actually save our lives one day,” he said. They fell back into another awkward silence, and Tenzo wanted to punch himself for opening his big stupid mouth before and ruining Kakashi’s talkative mood. Sighing, he opened his mouth to apologize.

“I’m sorry for what I said - “

“About what you said - “ Kakashi said at the exact same time. “No, let me say this before I change my mind,” he said. “I heard what you said and I know you meant it. I don’t understand  _ why _ you meant it, but that’s not the point. The point is you don’t deserve the mess that I am, Tenzo. You deserve so much better…”

“Kakashi, don’t you think I can decide for myself what I deserve?” Tenzo said. Kakashi threw his hands up in frustration.

“Would you let me finish? I’m bad enough at this whole talking thing without you interrupting me all the damn time,” he said. Tenzo rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut. “I was going to say… you deserve so much better than what I am now. But… I want to be better for you, if you’ll wait for me. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but… please wait for me.” Tenzo stared at his senpai. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, because it sure sounded like Kakashi wanted to be with him. But that was ridiculous. That couldn’t be right. Or… could it?

“Kakashi, I will wait for you forever,” Tenzo said. Kakashi chuckled.

“Well, that’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” he said. “Forever is a long time.” Tenzo groaned.

“God, you’re such an asshole,” he said. “Why does it have to be you?” 

“I don’t understand it myself,” Kakashi said, still chuckling. He stopped laughing and put on a somber expression. “But I’m serious, Tenzo. I’ll work on it. For you.” Tenzo smiled.

“I’ll hold you to that, senpai.”

***

A week later, Tenzo found himself standing in the Hokage’s office, shifting his weight back and forth uncomfortably under Hiruzen’s piercing gaze. 

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you here, Tenzo,” Hiruzen said finally. Tenzo certainly was wondering why he’d been summoned. As the head of Team Ro, Kakashi was usually the one to receive the summons when they were assigned missions. And since both he and Kakashi were out on medical leave right now, he hadn’t been expecting any summons at all. 

“Yes, sir,” Tenzo said finally. 

“I’m placing you back on active duty,” Hiruzen said. “Thanks to your increased rate of healing, your doctors have cleared you from medical leave.” Tenzo was thankful his ANBU mask hid his expression of surprise. Had the Hokage seriously summoned him all the way here just to take him off medical leave? Surely the doctors or Kakashi could’ve easily done that. 

“That’s good to hear, sir,” he said, keeping his voice level. Hiruzen chuckled softly.

“No, that’s not the only reason I’ve called you here,” he said, somehow reading Tenzo’s thoughts. “I have a mission for Team Ro, and I want you to lead it. Kakashi is still on medical leave.” Hiruzen produced a scroll from the folds of his robes and handed it to Tenzo. 

“Yes, sir,” he said, taking the scroll and bowing slightly.

“Tenzo, before you go, there’s something I need to discuss with you,” Hiruzen continued. “As you are aware, Kakashi recently had, well… a serious medical event. One that I feel partially responsible for.” 

_ No shit, asshole,  _ Tenzo thought, hoping desperately the Sandaime wasn’t actually capable of reading thoughts.

“And not only for my punishing him shortly before the event, but for my oversight as to his mental health for years,” Hiruzen said. “You are one of the few people who’s had a life to rival the pain Kakashi has felt. I wanted to see how you are doing.” Tenzo couldn’t stop himself from stiffening in surprise. Whatever he had expected the Hokage to say, this certainly wasn’t it.

“Uh, I’m fine, Hokage-sama,” he said awkwardly. Hiruzen smiled.

“Yes, yes,” he said. “I suppose I shouldn’t have expected you to open up immediately. But just know that I’ll be checking in on you more frequently from now on.” Tenzo nodded. 

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” he said. Then, as an afterthought: “Uh, thank you.” 

“One last thing before you go, Tenzo,” Hiruzen continued. “I’m reassigning Kakashi out of ANBU for the sake of his mental health. You will be the new captain of Team Ro.” Years of ROOT and ANBU training flew out the window, and Tenzo found himself throwing his hands up and stepping back in surprise.

“What?!” he exclaimed. He quickly recovered himself. “Forgive my outburst, Hokage-sama.” Hiruzen waved his hand in front of his face.

“Not a problem, you’re only human after all,” he said. “I know you have worked with Kakashi for years and this will likely be a difficult transition. But I’m confident you will rise to the challenge, Tenzo.” Tenzo nodded.

“Thank you for this opportunity, Hokage-sama,” he said. “Er, if you don’t mind my asking…”

“No, I haven’t told Kakashi yet,” Hiruzen said, preempting Tenzo’s question. “So I appreciate your discretion in this matter.” Tezo nodded again.

“Yes, sir,” he said. 

“That’ll be all, Tenzo,” Hiruzen said. “Good luck on your mission.” 

***

“So how long will you be gone?” Kakashi asked.

Tenzo shrugged.

“About a week, week and a half tops,” he said. Kakashi nodded slowly.

“Oh, okay…” he said, in a tone that made it clear it was anything but okay. Tenzo sighed. He had come to Kakashi’s apartment as a courtesy to tell him about his planned mission so Kakashi wouldn’t wonder why Tenzo had suddenly abandoned him. But Tenzo really hadn’t anticipated how poorly he would take the news. He was moping on the couch with his arms crossed, pouting like a child.

“Kakashi, it’s not that big a deal,” he pleaded. “Please don’t be upset with me.” Kakashi sighed and uncrossed his arms, draping one over Tenzo’s shoulders and pulling him closer. Tenzo felt his face growing warm as his body pressed up against Kakashi’s, his hand resting on his senpai’s thigh to stop from falling over. Despite their earlier conversation in the hospital, their relationship hadn’t progressed at all yet. If anything, it was more strained and awkward than ever, so the sudden touch of Kakashi’s skin on his own was enough to send shivers down Tenzo’s spine.

“I’m not upset with you,” Kakashi mumbled. “I just… don’t like the idea of you being out on a mission without me there to protect you.” Tenzo hummed in understanding.

“Hmm, are you worried about me, senpai?” he said facetiously. Kakashi groaned.

“Don’t mock me, Tenzo,” he said. “You know I am.” Tenzo felt his chest growing warm at Kakashi’s admission and couldn’t suppress a chuckle at the faint blush dusting Kakashi’s face.

“I’ll be okay, Kakashi,” he said. “I promise.” Kakashi sighed deeply and rested his forehead against Tenzo’s. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he said. 

“Well then, I promise I will do everything in my power to come back to you,” Tenzo said, trailing his fingers gently across Kakashi’s jawline. 

“Good,” Kakashi whispered. He pulled his head away from Tenzo’s and sat straight up, clearing his throat. “I, uh, meant to tell you. I’m… seeing someone.” Tenzo’s jaw dropped open in surprise.

“Oh, um… I’m sorry, I mean... congratulations?” he stammered, scooting away from Kakashi. “I just thought that we…” Kakashi’s eye got wide.

“No, no, no!” he said, waving his hands wildly. “Oh god, I’m such an idiot. I don’t mean like that. I mean, I’m seeing a therapist. My first appointment is on Wednesday. I wanted to tell you as, you know, proof that I was trying to keep my promise.” Tenzo shook his head.

“You really had me going there for a second,” he said. “But I’m happy for you. And I’m really proud of you. I know how much you hate talking to people.” Kakashi sighed.

“Yeah, I figure this will suck majorly,” he admitted. “But I have to do something. Last week made that clear. I don’t want to end up like my father.” Tenzo raised his eyebrows, surprised to hear Kakashi mention his father so casually. 

“You won’t,” he said softly. “And that’s a promise I’m willing to make.” Kakashi smiled at him.

“So, when are you shipping out?” he asked. “Can you at least stay for dinner?” Tenzo nodded.

“Leaving tomorrow morning,” he said. “So I can stay here as long as you want.”

“Mmm, that’s a dangerous thing to say, kohai,” he said. “Because if I had my way, you’d stay here all night.” Tenzo raised his eyebrow.

“Then I guess I’ll be staying here tonight,” Tenzo said. “As long as you summon the dogs.” Kakashi groaned.

“You and those dogs,” he said, biting the tip of his thumb and activating his summoning jutsu. “I can’t tell who you like more, me or them.” Tenzo laughed as the dogs appeared in the living room and leaped onto the couch, wagging their tails and licking Tenzo’s face.

“You shouldn’t ask a question if you know you won’t like the answer, senpai.” 


	8. Chapter 8

“Alright guys, Kakashi-senpai is still on medical leave, so the Sandaime has asked me to lead our mission,” Tenzo said to Ko and Yugao. He had expected them to gasp and shriek in disbelief, so he was surprised when they stared at him with disinterested expressions. “What, you aren’t surprised by that?” Yugao shrugged.

“You’re the obvious choice for team captain behind Kakashi,” she said. “I’d honestly be worried if the Hokage picked anyone other than you.”

“Yeah,” Ko added. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t been given a team of your own yet.” Tenzo shook his head, worried if this conversation went any further he may accidentally reveal the fate of Team Ro, which was technically still classified information.

“Well, anyway,” he said. “Our mission is to the Land of Rivers. Our target is traveling through the country in a caravan and our job is to take him out before he reaches the Land of Fire. It shouldn’t be too difficult, even without senpai.” Yugao smiled.

“Tenzo, we trust you,” she said. “We don’t need Kakashi. It’s okay.” Tenzo sighed.

“Thanks, Yugao,” he said. “It just feels weird doing this without him.” Ko chuckled.

“Keep your home life at home, man,” he said. “We’ll be fine without him here.” Tenzo raised one eyebrow.

“My home life?” he asked. Yugao and Ko looked at each other questioningly, and Yugao shook her head gently at Ko. Ko seemed to ignore her. 

“Yeah, I mean… aren’t you two a thing?” he asked. Yugao put her face in her hands, looking humiliated for Ko, who didn’t seem to feel embarrassed by the situation at all. Tenzo’s jaw dropped open.

“What… why would you… what gave you that impression?” he stammered. 

“You spend all your time together, you go to dinner together all the time, you spend the night at each other’s apartments…” Ko said, ticking items off on his fingers. “Should I keep going?” Tenzo wanted to die from embarrassment.

“No, that’s more than enough, Ko,” he said weakly. Ko shrugged.

“We never minded,” he said. “I actually think you two make a cute couple - “

“I said that’s enough!” Tenzo snapped. “No more talk about that. Mission talk only from here on out.” Ko scoffed.

“As you wish,  _ Tenzo-taicho _ ,” he said. Tenzo rolled his eyes. He was starting to see exactly why Kakashi never liked Ko. 

“We ship out in half an hour, so get packed,” Tenzo said. Yugao and Ko both nodded, and the three of them began preparing for their mission.

***

Several days later, Tenzo, Ko, and Yugao were sitting in a tree, hidden from view from the convoy proceeding down the road in front of them. The intel seemed to be correct: it looked like a regular caravan of non-threatening individuals, save for the group of five shady-looking individuals hanging in the back - the target and his four bodyguards.

“Alright, there’s five of them and three of us,” Tenzo said. “This shouldn’t be a problem for us if we all work together. Yugao and Ko, you two take the four bodyguards. I’ll attack the target head on. Sound good?” Yugao and Ko nodded.

“Yes, taicho,” they said. Tenzo wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to hearing them call him that, but he squashed the feelings of surprise in order to focus on the mission at hand. 

“Alright, on my count,” he said. “Three… two… go.” The three of them were off, quickly leaping out of the safety of the trees and towards the targets. A shout from the convoy indicated their presence had been spotted, which didn’t surprise Tenzo. Out of the cover of the forest, he had anticipated they’d be noticed immediately. 

He sensed Yugao to his right and Ko slightly ahead of him and to the left. Two of the bodyguards rushed forward to meet them, while the other two hung back around the target. Tenzo leaped into the air to avoid the first two guards - he trusted his team to deal with them. His goal was to take out the target before he had a chance to get away. The sound of metal-on-metal behind him indicated Yugao was engaging the guards, and Tenzo was happy to see that Ko had jumped ahead to take on the last two guards.

_ That was pretty smart of them to split up like that,  _ he thought.  _ We work alright together. _

With the last two guards distracted in their battle with Ko, Tenzo was able to easily run right up on the target. He had expected a fight, but this man threw his hands up in surrender.

“Wait, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know!” he shouted. Tenzo drew his sword and sliced through the man. Blood splattered onto Tenzo’s armor as the man fell to the ground, lifeless. 

“Didn’t want to know anything,” he said to the corpse. “Just wanted you dead.” He heard Yugao and Ko approaching behind him as he sheathed his sword.

“Not bad for your first lead, taicho,” Yugao said. “What about these civilians in the caravan? Do we need to eliminate them?” Tenzo glanced over at the rest of the convoy. Men and women alike were staring at them with expressions of horror, and some people had actually run off towards the woods for safety.

“Oh, geez,” Tenzo said. “Let me check the mission scroll…” He produced the scroll from his waistband and unrolled it, scanning quickly.

“Taicho, is this really the best place to…” Ko started. 

“Oh, here it is!” Tenzo said. “Nope, we don’t have to kill them. Carry on, everyone!” He waved to the travelers, who winced back in fear. 

“I’ll load up the bodies,” Yugao said, pulling out a sealing scroll and sealing the five corpses inside.

“Great,” Tenzo said. “That’s everything. Let’s go.”

The three of them ran back off into the woods towards the Land of Fire. Tenzo was glad not for the first time for his ANBU mask, because he was finding it impossible to keep a grin off his face. He had done it. He had led an ANBU mission without Kakashi, and it had been successful. No innocent bystanders died, none of his team members died or got injured, and the mission objective was achieved. He never would’ve guessed he could’ve done it without his senpai.

“It’s getting late,” he said finally, well after the sun had set. “Let’s stop to camp.” They dropped to the forest floor and Tenzo quickly produced a room for them to stay in. Normally, he restricted his mokuton camping creations to missions that were just him and Kakashi. But he was feeling pretty giddy about his successful first run as squad captain, so he felt like splurging a little bit. Ko and Yugao were clearly impressed, if the expressions of wonderment on their faces were any indication.

“Could you have done this for all our other missions?!” Ko exclaimed. “You’ve been holding out on us, man!” Tenzo placed his hands on his hips and smiled triumphantly. 

“Isn’t it great?” he said. “You’re lucky I’m your new squad leader.” Yugao and Ko’s heads shot up.

“What?” Yugao said. “You mean just for this mission, right?” Tenzo’s face fell. 

“Oh my god…” he said, realizing his blunder. That information was still classified by the Hokage. Tenzo was starting to think his big stupid mouth was more trouble than it was worth.

“Is Kakashi-taicho gone for good?” Ko asked. Tenzo put his face in his hands and shook his head.

“Guys, I’m not supposed to tell you,” he said. “Please, don’t ask anymore.” Yugao scoffed.

“No way, man!” she said. “We’re a team, right? We all deserve to know. You better start talking.” Tenzo sighed in defeat.

“Fine,” he said. “Yes, Kakashi-senpai has been assigned out of ANBU. I’m replacing him as squad captain. Permanently.” He looked up at hs team members sheepishly, expecting to see scowls.

“Congratulations, captain,” Ko said. “I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah, congrats,” Yugao said. “Kakashi’s been here too long anyway. We make a good team. Thanks for telling us.” Tenzo smiled.

“Thanks guys,” he said. “But don’t tell anyone else yet, until the news is official. Please.” His team members nodded.

“Got it,” Ko said. 

“No problem,” Yugao said. “And… while we’re on the topic of keeping secrets... when you make your official mission report, don’t mention the part where you stopped to check the mission scroll in the middle of the fight.” Tenzo felt his face burn hot.

“What?” he said. “That wasn’t that bad, was it?” Ko shook his head.

“Taicho,” he said. “For everyone’s best interest, just leave it off the mission report.”

***

The last leg of their trip back to Konoha was surprisingly almost fun, if such a word could ever be used to describe an ANBU mission. Normally Tenzo and Kakashi hung back together and chatted, and Tenzo was starting to realize he didn’t know Yugao and Ko near as well as he should. The three of them were actually having pleasant conversation, and Tenzo felt a little guilty for all the years he and Kakashi had pretty much ignored them.

Tenzo had always viewed Kakashi’s behavior as appropriate, since he was the squad captain. It made sense for him to not associate as closely with Yugao and Ko, and the only reason Tenzo got a free pass was because of their history together. Well, that and the fact that they were in love with each other, but Tenzo chose to ignore that particular reason. But now that he was the captain of his own squad, Tenzo was starting to think that Kakashi’s aloofness wasn’t the best leadership style. He always respected Kakashi and everything he did, but it had only taken one mission away from him to develop his own leadership style that was uniquely different from his senpai’s. 

The trio arrived back to ANBU headquarters pretty late at night a few days more than a week since they departed. The locker room was empty except for the three of them. Tenzo quickly showered and was towel-drying his hair by the lockers when Ko emerged from the shower.

“What are you up to tonight, taicho?” he asked. Tenzo shrugged.

“I have to do the mission report,” he said. “And then I’ll probably go see…” He trailed off, feeling his face turn bright red. He was planning on going to see Kakashi, and he had forgotten about Ko’s assumption before the mission.

“Kakashi?” Ko guessed, much to Tenzo’s dismay. Tenzo glanced at Yugao, who seemed to be consciously avoiding eye contact. He sighed in defeat.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I was going to check up on him. He’s still on medical leave as far as I know.” Ko shrugged.

“You don’t have to feel awkward about that,” he said. “Like I said, Yugao and I have known for years. And there’s really no reason to hide it now, especially that he’s not our squad captain - “ Tenzo hissed threateningly.

“Shh! I told you not to say anything about that!” he whispered. Ko shrugged and looked around.

“There’s no one here to hear,” he said, then glanced over Tenzo’s shoulder. “Oh, good evening Hokage-sama.” Tenzo gasped and spun around to where Ko was looking, only to find no one there. Ko burst out laughing. “I’m joking. You gotta lighten up, man.” Tenzo turned back around and glared at him with his most threatening expression.

“Ko, let the poor man be,” Yugao said. “Stop torturing him.” 

“Alright, alright,” Ko said. “I’ll see you later, taicho.” Tenzo rolled his eyes at Ko and left the locker room to pick up his post-mission paperwork. He felt a small surge of gratitude for all the times Kakashi had conned him into doing the paperwork for him, if only because it meant he knew what to do now that he had his own team. Tenzo entered the assignment room and waved at the night guard.

“Hey, Tenzo,” the guard said. “Kakashi-san got you doing his paperwork again?” Tenzo chuckled.

“No, for once this is actually mine,” he said, grabbing the necessary papers off the table. “I led my own mission this time.” The guard smacked himself lightly on the side of the head.

“Oh yeah, I forgot!” he said. “Guess you’re captain of Team Ro now that Kakashi-san’s out of ANBU, right?” Tenzo spun around and stared slack-jawed at the guard, who squirmed uncomfortably at Tenzo’s expression of disbelief. “Er… you knew that, right?” 

“Does everyone know?” Tenzo asked. The guard shrugged.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he said. Tenzo cursed under his breath. He had really been hoping Hiruzen would wait until he returned to break the news to Kakashi, since Tenzo was worried he wouldn’t take it too well and hadn’t really wanted him to be alone after finding out. 

“How long ago was this?” he asked the guard.

“Ehh… couple days?” he said. “Maybe three?” 

“You haven’t happened to see Kakashi since then, have you?” he asked. The guard shook his head.

“No, man,” he said. “Sorry.” Tenzo sighed.

“I’ll see you around,” he said, taking his paperwork and quickly leaving the room. He had always fussed at Kakashi for waiting to finish mission paperwork, because details were best remembered directly upon mission’s end. But now Tenzo found himself deciding the paperwork could wait in favor of him going check on Kakashi.

He left ANBU headquarters and practically ran to town. It was a beautiful night, and there were a surprising number of people out and about for the late hour. Tenzo snaked through the crowds, his anxiety growing with each step he took towards Kakashi’s apartment. Finally he gave up on the streets altogether and took to the rooftops, leaping across town to his senpai’s apartment.

When he arrived, he considered making a wood key and letting himself in but decided that was pushing boundaries a little too far, and so he knocked instead. The seconds seemed to tick by slower and slower as Tenzo stood on the stoop, wringing his hands, waiting for Kakashi to answer the door.

Finally, the door swung open.

“Ah, you’re finally here!” 

Tenzo’s jaw dropped open in surprise. Kakashi was standing in the doorway looking as far from depressed as possible. Tenzo glanced into the apartment behind him and saw the ninken sprawled out on the floor and smelled something delicious cooking in the kitchen. Everything looked about as normal as possible, and Tenzo was starting to wonder if Hiruzen had told everyone  _ but _ Kakashi that he was leaving ANBU.

“I knew your mission ended today so I cooked you dinner,” Kakashi said, ignoring Tenzo’s baffled expression. “Come in. The dogs have been waiting anxiously to see you. And, well, I guess I have too.” Tenzo hesitantly stepped into the apartment and looked around. 

“Um… this is nice,” he said. Kakashi went back into the kitchen to finish cooking.

“You can sit on the couch if you want,” he said. “Dinner’s almost done.” Tenzo did as he was instructed and Pakkun jumped up to sit on his lap.

“Hey, kid,” he said. “Glad you made it back safely!” Tenzo smiled and scratched him behind the ears.

“Thanks, Pakkun,” he said. “How’s… everything here?” Pakkun shrugged.

“We’ve had our ups and down,” he muttered quietly enough so that only Tenzo could hear. “But he was real happy to have you back today.” Tenzo nodded, grateful that Pakkun trusted him enough to tell him the truth. Kakashi spun around and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

“How was your mission,  _ captain _ ?” he asked. Tenzo shrugged.

“It was a little weird without you,” he admitted. “But it went well. We accomplished our objective, and no one got hurt. So I can’t complain.” 

“No one getting hurt during an ANBU mission is quite an accomplishment,” Kakashi said. 

“How was your week?” Tenzo asked. Kakashi smiled softly.

“If you’re asking if the Hokage told me I’m out of ANBU permanently, the answer is yes,” he said. “He told me a few days ago.” Tenzo stood up and walked over to Kakashi, wanting to wrap his arms around him but uncertain if that was taking things too far. He settled instead for placing one hand on Kakashi’s arm.

“How are you? How do you feel about that?” he asked. Kakashi shrugged.

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” he said. “He’s making me a jonin teacher. I’m not sure why exactly he wants to put me around children, but whatever.” Tenzo stroked Kakashi’s arm gently and stared knowingly into his eye. Kakashi sighed. “Fine, can’t hide anything from you anyway. I wasn’t too happy about it at first. I’m still not. I’ve been in ANBU for 10 years. It’s pretty much the only life I know. Yes, it’s a pretty fucking awful life most of the time, but it’s something consistent I can rely on. I know I should be happy to get out of there and have a more normal assignment, but I guess I truly am fucked up because I’d rather stay on with the freakin ANBU than try to pretend I’m some heroic teacher. And honestly, I really don’t think I’ll do well around kids.” Tenzo smiled gently.

“You’ll be fine,” he said. “You’ve always been able to adapt. You’ll figure it out.” 

“Apparently the Sandaime thinks so too,” he said, turning around to check the food on the stove. Finding it done, he took two plates out of the cabinet and served the food. “Here, dinner’s ready.” Tenzo took his plate and followed Kakashi to the table to eat. 

They ate mostly in silence as Tenzo started to take in the events of the last half hour. He was beyond thankful that Kakashi was okay and that the ninken were with him, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Pakkun meant by “ups and downs.” He glanced up at Kakashi to find him staring off into the distance, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

“You okay?” he asked. Kakashi jumped and looked over at him. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Zoned out.” Tenzo pursed his lips in concern but said nothing as he finished his food and took his and Kakashi’s plates over to the sink. He was rinsing them off when he suddenly felt something wrapping around his waist, and was surprised to find that it was Kakashi’s arms. He spun around to face him and let his arms wrap loosely around his neck.

“Tenzo…” Kakashi whispered. Tenzo felt like his lungs had stopped working. Kakashi’s face was very close to his and it seemed to cause his brain to malfunction. “I went to the therapist. I didn’t want to, especially after I found out about my new assignment, but I didn’t want to break my promise to you.” Tenzo smiled.

“Wow, Kakashi,” he said. “I’m really proud of you.” 

“It was awkward, just as I expected, but… I don’t know, talking about everything made me realize something,” he said. “Everything sucks, but it all sucks less when I’m with you.” Tenzo chuckled. Kakashi shook his head. “No, I’m so bad at this. I’m sorry.” 

“You make everything in my life suck less, too,” Tenzo said. Kakashi smiled. 

“I can’t promise you that I’ll be okay, Tenzo, or that everything will be fine. But I can promise you that I… I…” He took a breath and looked towards the heavens, his face turning redder by the second. “I love you.” Tenzo couldn’t help but laugh at the expression of pure humiliation on Kakashi’s face, which quickly shifted to one of annoyance. “Are you seriously laughing at me?! That was really hard for me to say!” 

“I’m sorry!” Tenzo said, chuckling. “You’re just… kind of adorable.” Kakashi groaned.

“God, just kill me now,” he said, taking one arm from around Tenzo’s waist and using it to cover his own face in embarrassment.

“I love you too, Kakashi,” Tenzo said, peeling Kakashi’s hand off his face. Kakashi chuckled. “Oh, so now you’re laughing at me?” Tenzo asked. “I guess I deserve that.” 

Kakashi stopped laughing and placed his arm back around Tenzo’s waist. He stared into Tenzo’s eyes for a moment - no longer did he look embarrassed or angry, he looked completely content. The look of pure peace in his eyes slowed Tenzo’s racing heart and he found himself smiling, feeling truly happy for the first time since their botched mission. 

And then Kakashi’s face was moving closer and closer, and Tenzo’s brain seemed to misfire as he stared, unable to react. Finally, he reached up and tugged Kakashi’s mask down just in time for their lips to hesitantly collide, and quickly melt into a passionate kiss. Tenzo had dreamed about this moment embarrassingly many times in embarrassingly many ways, but none of those fantasies lived up to the reality that was Kakashi. 

Tenzo wished the moment would never end, but of course it did much too soon. Kakashi stared at Tenzo with both eyes as he pulled back from the kiss, his lip trembling slightly from their passion. 

“I love you, Tenzo,” he whispered. Tenzo smiled and ran his fingers through Kakashi’s hair.

“I love you too, Kakashi.” Kakashi leaned forward and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Tenzo’s.

As they stood there, embracing each other in the kitchen, Tenzo felt confident that no matter what life threw at them - depression, horrible missions, new assignments, even genin children - there was one constant he could rely on for the rest of his life: they’d always be there for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! I actually finished a multi-chapter story! 
> 
> That being said, I find myself incapable of ever being done with anything so with that in mind:  
> 1\. There's an... epilogue of sorts to this story about what Kakashi and Tenzo get up to later that night. I'll be posting that later today.  
> 2\. I rewrote the entire story from Kakashi's perspective. It's the same story, but told from his point of view instead of Tenzo's. I'll start posting that next week on the same schedule I was posting this one (Tuesday and Friday). 
> 
> I hope y'all liked my story! Thanks for reading and, as always, comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


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